Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Marriage Fallacy #1 "Find someone that makes you happy."

This is tied to your view of marriage. What's the purpose of marriage? To find someone who brings your family status? Or perhaps someone who can make you happy? 

The first reason is based on history past; Parents wanting their children to marry someone whom will bring them status, financial stability. In this modern culture, people usually marry for happiness.

What is the biblical reason for marriage? Tim Keller voiced it quite beautifully and enlightened me quite a bit! He says, the purpose of marriage is gospel reenactment. Someone you can copy the gospel love story with--Christ and the church. Marriage first is a covenant commitment, then love naturally flows from the commitment. IF, you marry for happiness, you'll be sadly disappointed in what the person you marry brings to the table. Not that they're a horrible spouse, but disappointed in the reality that, they were not meant, ultimately to make you happy, no one can do that.

Your passion for your spouse can't be at a 100% level at all times. Your passion will go up and down and in a modern cultural that is frightening because you'll feel like you've fallen out of love, but the reality is-- you've set expectations on your spouse, that they were never meant to meet-- an unconscious "Make me happy all the time" mentality. No one but Christ Jesus can satisfy that deep desire and longing. I'm not trying to convey that Christian marriages are not suppose to be happy, but on the contrary when you seek to serve and love each other in a gospel way (husbands adoring wives by pointing out sin, leading, serving, etc and wives adoring husband by pointing out sin, supporting their leadership, serving, etc) happiness will come consistently and powerfully, but not because it's based on your spouse but based on your God. You'll grow in your love for that person even if the passion is low or very high. The gospel reenactment story, in your marriage story, makes the marriage incredibly strong--"'till death, do us part." Amazing.

"If you get married as Jacob did, putting the weight of all your deepest hopes and longings on the person you are marrying, you are going to crush him or her with your expectations. It will distort your life and your spouse's life in a hundred ways. No person, not even the best one, can give your soul all it needs." (Timothy Keller, Counterfeit gods pg. 38-39)

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