Woman Lust

it's no surprise that the new erotic film 50 shades of grey was released during valentine's day. before it hit the big screen it was already invading the hearts and minds of women with it's printed book.

there's been a lot of talk about how christians should think about the film and the message it's trying to convey-- never think any movie is just a movie, it's always trying to convey a message. the film is a form of art, and it's a mirror to what the culture is really thinking, what art tends to do.

i watched the trailer out of "curiosity" and found myself shocked and interested in the plot. why? i think it was girl lust! i wasn't necessarily thinking of intercourse or sexual images but it certainly could have gone there, but i was more intrigued by the male character and how they portrayed him--handsome, winsome, authoritative, passionate, AND desires the female counter part to the nth-degree. which is exactly what they were going for--women can be drawn to this type of male figure....fiction or non.

It's interesting how women's lust can be left unnoticed because it almost seems to hurt no one. false. it hurts people. it hurts the woman's own soul. i've seen this countless times and it's destroyed families. it's a force not to be triffled with. the outworkings of women's lust versus men's lust can be like night and day but the heart issues are identical. men tend to be more visually stimulated, that's why the porn industry has taken hold of our men's hearts. lots to say about mens lust but i'd like to focus on women.

we women tend to be emotionally stimulated. before a woman commits the actual sexual sin of adultery, chances are she's already had an emotional attachment. why? women love to be desired, to be wanted, this is a good thing BUT in the covenant of marriage, not outside its boarders. if the woman is the object of a man's lustful mind and heart, this can be very emotionally satisfying for her. i wrote this post 3 years ago to warn dating christians the dangers of lust before marriage and what it can look like after marriage. it's pretty scary stuff if not addressed.

I recently was talking to a young man who's dating a gal and i was asking questions about their lust. as you might like to think, you probably would assume he'd slowly be walking away! nope. he pulled up a chair and was intrigued, especially when i came to the girl lust part. he had no idea! he had no idea that when guys lust after the girl it feeds her lust of being wanted--like she's some kind of sex god! it sounds ridiculous but very true. he was shocked, i saw light bulbs going off in his head. i reminded him that even the way a girl dresses can be used to get a lustful reaction from the guy by the short skirt she's wearing, or the midriff shirt she's flaunting. i know this because i was there in my younger days :(

another thing about lust is that it wants to hide. it wants to stay in its shame infested closet. when i watched the trailer i felt ashamed that i was interested in the plot and felt a desire to be in the character's shoes. soon after i talked to my husband about it. he was helpful, supportive and asked good heart questions. i knew he knew what battling with lust feels like. he battles with it like all men/most men do. he does not shy away from confession and wanting to kill sin in his life. my husband is amazing. i really can't express in words the love and every endearing emotion under the sun i have for him. he's helped me to be open, not lie and hide sin, no matter how ugly the truth can seem. truth is the best medicine.

my lovely husband asked "what did you observe that you wanted?" but the question that was most helpful that my lovely asked was, "what do you really want?" my reply, "my husband to love the Lord with all his heart. to love his wife and make much of her and point her to Jesus. a father who leads his children and loves them. a man of integrity. a man who dates his wife and studies her. a man who serves others and points them to Christ."

it's funny but i just described my lovely husband :) he is what i really want, not some fabricated, hollywood, fictional character! even if the 50 shades of grey character was real, he'd sure need a lot of counseling! no thanks.

Round up...

(Key's flower wall art)

There's been a few things on my mind that I wanted to share...

finally watched the grand budapest hotel, with great company (Jerilene, Alyssa, and Kim)! it was good. unfortunately, some raunchy scenes. the film can appear slow but the characters and their dialogue are meant to carry the movie. they did. the actors were excellent. the humor, awesome. again, the dialogue, witty and thoughtful.

watched this video and again it puts me in a dilemma. i've struggled with the idea of deleting my facebook and most recently our instagram. i hate social media and like it. how do these two coexist? i fancy this blog space... i feel it's given me a way to express myself, and i've carved out a little space to do that. it's fun. but facebook and instagram can seem like a way to portray something that's not real-- or half truths (which is not truth at all). i feel like it can be a place to vent, boast, or be indifferent. i'm sure my posts have come off in various of those categories. precisely why i'd like to unplug those two. hmmmm...

being a mexican american can be weird. i've noticed the stereotypes and they bother me. you can be in two camps... poor, uneducated, and uncultured. the other, a menace to society. and there's another that's less noticeable-- trying to get educated, parents are immigrants, life choices or desires are less ambitious than other college age peers. there are times people try to fit me into one of these categories, and if i don't fit, perhaps i'm too "white","asian" or "americanized". growing up, it was rare to find a mexican american who had chosen a path that was well thought out, educated, cultured, helpful to society, and ambitious. i love my people. that's exactly why these stereotypes and true stories bother me. sometimes i feel like i can't relate. but then there's moments when i find someone that blows my own stereotypes away and it's alluring. i must admit, i have stereotypes  too. it's difficult to live in this world without them. sometimes there's good stereotypes that we need and use. than there's others we should refute, rightfully so! i love hearing and seeing mexican americans tear down those stereotypes. on a npr news segment, they echoed what i've been seeing and feeling. they mentioned that latinos won't rush to the electing polls because there's a high percentage of poor, uneducated latinos that are out of touch with political issues. i need to see mexican americans excel like i know we can--by God's grace.

not sure if I shared this before, but it bears re-sharing. such a great article and i find it extremely helpful as i parent my kids in this culture.

i'm excited to "nerd out," as she puts it, on her crafty genius talents, that God has graciously given her! her book is out and ready to be used up by the family! why do I want to be one of her little girls in this video?! ha!

our sunday sermon was intense but SO helpful and needed. thank God for leadership that doesn't hide true struggles of the church! it allows our church community to truly flourish in a Christ-centered way.

Hard Week BUT...

Last week was tough. PJ was gone for a conference. I was sick while watching the kids. And even when PJ returned, it still was tense.  I couldn't help just feeling overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with parenting. Overwhelmed with ministry. Overwhelmed with relationships. Just overwhelmed.

I felt thin but thank God for his mercy that strengthened my soul. It's funny how sickness can really be a spiritual purging. Comfort, physical comfort, can be quite a foe.

I'm thankful for these times. The hard times. I know it's hard to praise the Lord Jesus during the trials. Thankful for God breaking through and allowing me see Jesus. Without him, life would be unbearable!

My soul is now strengthened-- Realizing how small I am and how BIG God is is refreshing. Leave it to the importance of the historical resurrection story, to open my eyes.

We remind our kids that Easter is not about a bunny, candy or eggs. But it's about a real person, the Son of God, who took the place of our sin, died on the cross, and rose on the 3rd day. His rising (his resurrection) proved to the world-- it showed that his death was the only God accepted sacrifice that could take away sin. Only a sinless, God-Man, Jesus Christ, could bear all sin and the punishment of the world. No other sacrifice or good deeds could do such a thing. Only Jesus' death. So that is why Easter is such a big deal! As one of my favorite hymns sings:

Sin had left a crimson stain,

He washed it white as snow.

Ride

I miss riding this pretty thing. Before giving birth to City, I'd sometimes ride it to church on Sunday mornings. The busy streets of L.A. weren't so busy-- too early for the daily hustle and bustle. The air seemed clean, although not necessarily. Those days were refreshing. I look forward to future rides, Lord willing.

This past Sunday, God was kind in showing me my self righteousness. This past week I was tired. I was tired of chasing CrossView people. I was tired of repeating myself. I was tired of not seeing their life decisions change. I was tired of giving counsel-- for it to be given lip service or tossed along the way. And at the heart of it all, I was tired of serving people, because that's what it really came down to. The message on Sunday reminded me to stand firm, to continue and even be thankful for my brothers and sisters. I surely didn't have a thankful heart towards them. God reminded me that I too am hard of hearing, need love, rebuke, patience, kindness, and CrossView family pursuing me. Living life with these people isn't easy but that's what family is all about. I can't just disown my biological family (even if I did, they're still my family!) and I can't disown my spiritual family, which is where I have stronger bonds (rightly so!). So, I cling to the future grace that God has promised, and I'm thankful for the kindness in the past.

Time to ride on Frances...

The 22 Rules Of This House

1. We obey God.
2. We love, honor and pray for one another.
3. We tell the truth.
4. We consider one another's interests ahead of our own.
5. We speak quietly and respectfully with one another.
6. We do not hurt one another with unkind words or deeds.
7. When someone needs correction, we correct him in love.
8. When someone is sorry, we accept their apology. 
9. When someone asks for forgiveness, we forgive them. ***
10. When someone is sad, we comfort him.
11. When someone is happy, we rejoice with him.
12. When we have something nice to share, we share it.
13. When we have work to do, we do it without complaining.
14. We take good care of everything that God has given us.
15. We do not create unnecessary work for others.
16. When we open something, we close it.
17. When we take something out, we put it away.
18. When we turn something on, we turn it off.
19. When we make a mess, we clean it up.
20. When we do not know what to do, we ask.
21. When we go out, we act just as if we were in this house.
22. When we disobey or forget any of the 21 Rules of This House, we accept the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

My Lovely found this helpful list, which in a nutshell explains the way we try to conduct our home, by God's grace! Living as a family is not easy and requires communication and healthy boundaries, right?  A great list to have! We have it printed and in our kitchen. I'd like to write Bible verses to coincide with each boundary, as a reminder to myself, PJ and the kids, that God loves us and wants us to be happy in Him and it's clear through his Word.

It's originally from here by Gregg Harris (Joshua Harris' father). 

***Number 9 was added because we make a big emphasis on using biblical language when we sin against each other. Sorry's are for mistakes, and asking for forgiveness, is for sin.  

Our vacation ended last week, and most people would be sad but not me. Why you ask? Well, our stay-cation this year was full of activities each and everyday! We didn't intentionally plan for it that way but because our family from out-of-state was here, we wanted to make sure we spent as much time as possible with them. We knew our kids would love to see their cousins as much as possible.

What threw me for a loop was the beginning signs of shingles! The first time getting shingles was from Story's birth from starting P90X with my Lovely, only after a month or two after giving birth! My body didn't know how to handle the over activity, accompanied with lack of sleep and countless other stuff! This time I think it was from the same issue-- over activity and other stressful things. Praise God it wasn't full blown and it actually stopped. I prayed, my awesome church prayed, and I even searched my heart to see any sin that was lurking. I did see somethings I needed to work on and ask God for forgiveness, which was refreshing. Thank God for his patience toward me! I'm clearly imperfect and not at all deserving of Christ and his love. Thankfully Christ took on my sin and shame, and nailed it to the cross! I'm now free....Free to see my sin. Free to choose the godly way or the sinful way. Free to confess to God. Free to confess to others. Free from self deception. Free from hypocrisy. Free from fearing man. Free from earning my way to heaven. Free from everything that binds me to my old ways. Wow, how refreshing is that?!

I had a tough vacation but it turned out to be reflective. God showed me things that can grow my relationship with him, and in turn, grow my relationships with my family (and even my church family). Sooooo, the vacation DID serve it's purpose at the end of the day :)

Re-read this past post and it encouraged me...again!

City Danika Tibayan

Introducing City Danika Tibayan

City Danika Tibayan

Born: April 1, 2013 at 12:54pm

7lbs 13.6oz and 20 inches long

The God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ has given Tibayan 4 a new daughter! All glory and praise to him!

The story behind her name. "Danika" is her middle name because our beloved niece was named Danika and we love and miss her so much! City never had the opportunity to meet and be blessed by her older cousin the way her 3 siblings have, but she will be connected to her in a way that she will never forget her. Her cousin also reminds us that life is a mist that appears for a moment and then vanishes. Where does "City" come from? The city is the place marked by density, diversity, and interdependence (resources on thinking about the concept of the city from a Christian perspective). They are places in our world much more intensely filled with a mixture of good and evil. While many Christians are fleeing the city and avoiding it, God has called Tibayan 4 (our family) to the city of Los Angeles for this time to make disciples together with CrossView Church LA. We look forward to the city whose architect and builder is God, the New Jerusalem.

Ways you can pray for her. Please pray to the Father of our Lord, Savior, and Treasure, Jesus the Messiah who died for our sins and rose from the dead on the third day. Ask the Father to bless City, protect her, make his face shine on her, be gracious to her, look on her with favor and give her peace. This means praying that she repents from her sin and trusts in Jesus Christ to save her. Pray for her parents to gospelize her well and love her sacrificially. Ask God to protect her from Satan, the evil one, and to not bring her into temptation. Please ask the Father's name to be honored as holy in her, that his kingdom would come in part through her, and that his will would be done by her. Pray for her to know, believe, love, and live in light of the gospel. Pray for her physical health and development, and that we would see God's glory through her and reflect God's glory to her as a family. Pray that the City of Los Angeles would be blessed through City Danika Tibayan to the glory of the Triune God.

Missing Her...

It's been over two months and the family continues to miss this little lady so much! My brother and sister have been standing on a Solid Rock! It reminds me so much of this song...

My hope is built on nothing less

Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness;

I dare not trust the sweetest frame,

But wholly lean on Jesus’ name.

When darkness veils His lovely face,

I rest on His unchanging grace;

In every high and stormy gale,

My anchor holds within the veil.

His oath, His covenant, His blood

Support me in the whelming flood;

When all around my soul gives way,

He then is all my hope and stay.

When He shall come with trumpet sound,

Oh, may I then in Him be found;

Dressed in His righteousness alone,

Faultless to stand before the throne.

Refrain: 

On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;

All other ground is sinking sand,

All other ground is sinking sand.

Our grama has been in the hospital. Her state is very fragile.  She had a 2nd surgery this morning! God is kind in sustaining her life and faith. Family and friends continue to intercede for her, through prayers. Prayers are much coveted and appreciated :)  Thank you so much!

They'll Be Days Like This...

 

I sort of feel like holding this sign up... This week has been crazy and God is continuing to throw curve balls.

It's not like I'm bitter towards God. I'm not even really questioning him. But I am praying. I haven't prayed like this in awhile. I feel God's bringing me and others to our knees.

CrossView is getting hit by various trials. These trials are hitting close to home for various reasons. I know CrossView is hitting bumps on the road but praise the Lord he is still sustaining us! I love my church family. I can't begin to speak of how PJ, the kids and myself love these people. Serving them is a privilege but, I'm not gonna lie, it's challenging. It's not anyone's fault. It's the nature of sin and that we live in a fallen world. I don't want CrossView family to ever think they can't come to PJ or I because they don't want to burden us. We grieve with those who are grieving and we laugh with those who are laughing.

God help us to rely on your promises. Send grace Lord because we are in need. In Christ name, Amen.

Denver's Dark Night...

I can't fathom why someone would want to do what a 24-year-old man did, on morning of July 20th. Everything in me sees him as a monster. What went wrong with this man? 

I'm glad God gripped my heart this morning, as I spoke to my son, Rock. He asked, "Why did he do it mom?" My first words that came to my mind was, sin. I explained that Holmes is a sinner who got gripped by his evil desires, just as James speaks of. 

It kills me to think of unsuspecting couples, going to watch a movie, (just like PJ and I did at the mid-night showing) and some bringing their family and friends along, (just like PJ and I almost brought Rock to go with us, but we decided not to). It makes me emotional.

There was an article about forgiveness that PJ shared with me a few years ago, that was so insightful. I'll have to update with the link.

The article basically shed light on our human condition when we don't forgive. The reason we don't forgive or "can't" forgive a person(s) when they wrong us, is because we perceive them, in that act, as not being human or see them as a monster, and then we elevate ourselves far above them. Interesting. There two things at work there: 1) We condemn them and 2) We make ourselves god-like.

I have unimaginable sin and if I had all my thoughts on a screen for my friends and family to see, they'd be disguised and horrified at what evil lurks in my heart. Holmes is terribly evil for what he did. At the same time, I know he is a sinner who needs a Savior to free him from his monsters, his evil thoughts, his evil desires. As families have to move forward and figure out ways to cope, I hope and pray they come to only place that answers the awful questions they feel and are asking...Calvary. The place where Christ died to save sinners like me and you. We all fall short of our own standards and most importantly God's. God is infinitely holy and demands our full allegiance, but because we have bought Satan's lie, that we are better off without God and we make better Kings, we are cast away from our Creator because of our treason. But...But...He sent someone, He sent Jesus Christ to die on the cross for our treason,  IF we would repent of our sinfulness/treason, and believe in Christ's perfect life, death and resurrection! There's still hope at the cross of Christ. At the cross, evil and injustice are paid for fully and God's kindness makes way for new life for those who truly love him. 

I love Albert Mohler insights here...

Encouraged at what Christian Bale did...

A dose of fresh air in the mist of chaos: a beautiful baby born, what a blessing!

The twelve victims: they had faces and stories...

Real heros...

Good Job Sally!

Our church family member, Sally, graduated from her program Jump Start! "A subsidized  fellowship for people interested in working in the community (public) mental health field."

We were serenaded with some spoken word. It reminded me of this talented man!

Sally has an amazing testimony, I'm not sure if she realizes this but it really makes me SO happy in the LORD! I wrote someone these words, concerning Sally, that I'd like to share:

She's open and [seeks] correction. [I've talked] to Sally about how she parents the girls/discipline, etc... and she's been teachable with all of them! God is so kind and I love Sally very much. Every time I think or tell people about Sally and her testimony I can't help but get so teary eyed, because God completely transformed her! I get sad thinking of her in the past/before salvation and how I didn't want to hang out with her because I thought she was too much maintenance. I was a fool and God proved himself to me! I felt so humbled that God could make miracles, because that is exactly what I saw Sally's situation [in need of]. I would think "God can't save her." Wow, our God is amazing! Her story makes me worship him even more!

Just reading the above makes me feel so foolish but so glad. Thank you Sally, for being an instrument of God's saving grace, and proving me a fool! LOL!

Movie Review

In this adaptation of Françoise Sagan's best selling novel, Paula is a beautiful and highly successful 40-year-old businesswoman. She is deeply in love with Roger, her mature consort of five years. Roger is a very charming gallant who loves Paula but is too selfish to give up his freedom to be promiscuous. When Paula meets Phillip, the 24-year-old immature lawyer son of one of her rich clients, he falls hopelessly in love with the glamorous, sympathetic older woman and insists that the age difference will be no barrier to a romance. Paula resists the young man's persistent advances, but she finally succumbs when Roger initiates yet another affair with one of his young Maisies. An affair begins, and society does not approve. (imdb plot story)

What I particularly liked about this movie, was the reality that no one can ultimately satisfy you. Many people put all their eggs into one basket (the love basket:) but soon realize, the person they fell madly in love with, is not Prince Charming after all! 

 This sad reality, is made clear from the beginning (Genesis 3). No one is perfect--everyone is selfish, harsh, and self-involved. No person, can satisfy another wholly! This task is meant for One, that can really deliver--Jesus Christ! We all fail each other, especially in marriage, all the yucky stuff comes out (sin), but if we learn, that we are not meant to fill the shoes of Christ, but instead, put our hope in Christ alone, by faith alone, and really actually start seeking to live a life that is contrary to what we were living, by God's grace, once we and our spouses get that, repentance, grace and commitment begin to fill the marriage which sustains, covenantal love. 

Cookie Cutter Method?

(image taken from here)

Hospitality

I've given myself credit, in the past, for not falling into the folly of thinking there's a "cookie cuter" Pastor's wife role. I've spread my doctrine to friends and family about what I think a Pastor's wife role is--easy---to be a faithful disciple of Christ, a faithful wife, a faithful mommy, and a faithful church member. Of course there's more to say, but at the end of the day I felt that was the message, if asked, in a nut shell. 

God started revealing sin in my heart. I think I felt proud that I didn't struggle with this complex, as some other wives did. It was lodged in my brain, "I got this." I began seeing my folly--"How can I fail in this? This is what a Pastor's wife is made of, but it doesn't come naturally to me." What was it? Hospitality. 

Growing as a Christian around mature women, who just churned up delicious meals, endless hangouts, wise counsel, and cleanaing up, all in a shorts notice or for multiple times a week! Perhaps I'm exaggerating, but it sure felt this way. As I soon got married, had children, my husband in the ministry, I believe I tried to have the same agenda as previous godly women I observed. I started to sense this didn't come naturally to me. I began seeing my up bringing as a hinderance to this. I felt PJ was from a different mind set, since his up bringing was different than mine.  I felt sad. Why? Idolatry. You see, I wanted to serve to a capacity that I felt good about myself. Good to know that I had the good'ol hospitable badge on my chest, and of course, ALL Pastor wives did....WRONG. You see I was trying to fit in a mold that I sinfully created. I was trying hard to make the shoe fit. 

So reality is-- I don't easily have the urge to always be hospitable. I hesistate to say this, in case some family, friends think they'll be a burden, but on the contrary, it allows me opportunities to say yes or no, without fear of man. My decline to be host on a particular night/day, are never intended to hurt anyone but because I'm getting to know more and more my capacities as a wife and mother, I sometimes need to say no for the good of my soul and my family-- but I need to make that decision (with PJ's help of course:). It's ok to lack, we're human and God's working in us, and it's ok to confess it.  Striving and finding ways to bless other's and be blessed by others, is freeing; that also, can look different for the people of the local church community. 

Discipleship

Being at Capitol Hill Baptist Church was helpful in so many ways. There were many married women and single, which made a great learning atmosphere. I wondered with all these women being so busy, and yet having time to pour into these younger women, "How did they do it?!" It was at a CHBC women's retreat, where the insight was revealed to me. There was a workshop speifically addressing my simple question. There was a panel of wives/moms, with young women. The older women were discipling the younger (Titus 2) and were explaining their discipliship methods. It was genuis! At least in my mind. The women didn't sit down for an hour and read a 400 page book with homework and prep time,  and yet still manage to talk about their lives, blessings, things God's been teaching them, etc. As simple as it was, it was--- watch me. Watch me? There was a mutal understading that the wife, and the young woman, can sit down and talk about things that God has put on their hearts (these conversations can go in so many directions). What's key in this agreement, is--- understanding there WILL be interruptions, because she will serve her family in various ways as she's there, and she can participate by watching, learning, asking questions, etc. Great, huh? I ate that philosphy up and wanted to run with it! I soon started to understand that there needs to be a mutal understanding of this kind of discipliship, but I can totally see how it would be benefical and helpful on so many levels. I'm not saying this is the only way or the best way, but I am saying if you are busy with life, family, friends, church, this method can be helpful and a big blessing. And since I struggle with hospitality, this method is helpful for me in that regard too!

So I beckon other young ladies, don't feel discipleship has to be one specific way (read a book together/ Bible reading), although if it works, then do it, but if it doesn't work for a wife, then adjust with her and trust me, there's lots to learn about being a wife and a mother that can increase your understanding of it, if it's acted out in front of you. This is an out  working of being in a community (a local church family). Assure the busy wife that you just want to talk and pray and want to learn how she cares for her family. This can be helpful in getting an older woman to disciple you. I've heard that a lot of older women can sometimes feel inadaquate if discipleship is asked of them, but this method can be non-aggressive and less can be asked, as far as preparation. Just life--on--life, isn't that what community's about?

There's other ways hospitality can be done,  and there's other ways discipleship can be done. There's no cookie cuter method, just life--on--life.

Under The Sun (From Ecclesiates)

On Sunday our good friend Travis (elder/pastor at Grace Harbor Community Church) preached at CrossView yesterday from Ecclesiates (the whole book!) and it was a blessing! Several things hit me and I want to share in bullet points...

• Give up meaning in your own legacy
• Promote what will last (Jesus Christ and his saving work!)
• We are bound creatures--we are on a set path, you can't escape this reality
• We have a limited vantage point of life
• God loves you when he makes things NOT go as planned
• God speaks through futility
• Our ambition is not forfeited but can be redeemed! Our worldly ambition has to die so God can use it for His glory.
• Point #3 Seek your joy in God because wisdom is limited
• If you're wise, you see how unwise you truly are
• Don't carry God's work--celebrate ignorance
• Point #4 Seek joy in God by trembling and trusting Him
• God dispenses his gifts by faith
• We don't have the capacity to enjoy bread without God
• godliness with contempt, is great gain!
• "We can enjoy what we don't worship" Doug Wilson

Towards the end, Travis spoke about children-- as parents we should look at them and enjoy them, but encouraged us, to remember 'they'll grow up,' so we'll feel the brevity of life, how life is fleeting. Enjoy the moment with the Lord, "these are beautiful things, God has done."

Rock, Key and Story can feel like they are ours to keep, which allows idolatry to sip in, but this heart check can be a blessing to my kids, and my own soul as I interact with my kiddos. PTL!

Weekend Retreat

An absolutely gorgeous redwoods retreat location up north! It was a blessing for us to be there and for PJ to minister to those lovely college and career people. I only hoped to have spent more time with the young gals there, but the little time I did, I was blessed. I had the opportunity to read more of Counterfeit gods and watch Goodbye Again (a 1961 film). The film was interesting, and needed to be looked through a Christian worldview lens.

Thank you Jesus for revealing more counterfeit gods in me and even allowing me to analysis the film, in such a way, that reveals its counterfeit gods!

Marriage Fallacy #1 "Find someone that makes you happy."

This is tied to your view of marriage. What's the purpose of marriage? To find someone who brings your family status? Or perhaps someone who can make you happy? 

The first reason is based on history past; Parents wanting their children to marry someone whom will bring them status, financial stability. In this modern culture, people usually marry for happiness.

What is the biblical reason for marriage? Tim Keller voiced it quite beautifully and enlightened me quite a bit! He says, the purpose of marriage is gospel reenactment. Someone you can copy the gospel love story with--Christ and the church. Marriage first is a covenant commitment, then love naturally flows from the commitment. IF, you marry for happiness, you'll be sadly disappointed in what the person you marry brings to the table. Not that they're a horrible spouse, but disappointed in the reality that, they were not meant, ultimately to make you happy, no one can do that.

Your passion for your spouse can't be at a 100% level at all times. Your passion will go up and down and in a modern cultural that is frightening because you'll feel like you've fallen out of love, but the reality is-- you've set expectations on your spouse, that they were never meant to meet-- an unconscious "Make me happy all the time" mentality. No one but Christ Jesus can satisfy that deep desire and longing. I'm not trying to convey that Christian marriages are not suppose to be happy, but on the contrary when you seek to serve and love each other in a gospel way (husbands adoring wives by pointing out sin, leading, serving, etc and wives adoring husband by pointing out sin, supporting their leadership, serving, etc) happiness will come consistently and powerfully, but not because it's based on your spouse but based on your God. You'll grow in your love for that person even if the passion is low or very high. The gospel reenactment story, in your marriage story, makes the marriage incredibly strong--"'till death, do us part." Amazing.

"If you get married as Jacob did, putting the weight of all your deepest hopes and longings on the person you are marrying, you are going to crush him or her with your expectations. It will distort your life and your spouse's life in a hundred ways. No person, not even the best one, can give your soul all it needs." (Timothy Keller, Counterfeit gods pg. 38-39)

To Us A Child Was Born! A Son Was Given...

Enjoy! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Dating 101: Lust

(image taken from silentnight.co.uk)

Throughout the years of being in the ministry with PJ, my husband, we've encountered various situations dating couples are faced with. Some are small that can be worked out quickly and then there are bigger issues that require more in depth counsel and accountability.

First, PJ and I are not experts. The things I'm about to say are just wise words from us to people. Secondly, PJ and I are not naive to the physical pull that is placed on a relationship. That's one of the reasons PJ and I wanted to get married ASAP so we, by God's grace, tried to "flee from youthful passions" (2 Tim 2:22).  At the same time we weren't perfect and we had our struggles but by God's grace we were not physically immoral (sex before marriage). We tried a variety of things that would keep us from sinning against God and each other. I've see and heard from various couples the struggles of being Christian and trying to court/date in a way that honors God and each other.  

I'd like to share some thoughts to 1. Christians who are single, 2. Christians who are courting/dating, and 

3. Christian married couples. 

1. Clearly Set Accountability and Boundaries

Accountability is a must! Since you are a believer who still struggles with sin, we are called to "confess [our] sins to one another" (James 5:16) so that we don't get deceived by it (Hebrews 3:13). When there's a sexual sin or struggle, we are to seek accountability (confessing and encouragement) from our brothers and sisters in our church community. We don't have to seek it from the whole church but brothers and sisters you are committed to and are committed to you--keeping a watchful eye over each other's soul. Perhaps you want to pick a few sisters that are committed to helping you grow in holiness and vice versa. 

Whether you are dating or not, married or not, confiding and seeking accountability is needed. If you have a hard time opening up or have trust issues, you must remember that we are all sinners in need of grace. We as church family are not to seek to put on a facade and "pretend" we are holier than we are...No one is. We are all in need of growth, so beware of becoming a church community of performance rather than a community of grace [link added]. A community of grace seeks to repent when they sin and celebrate when they remember the cross to cleanse them from their present sin and grace to help with future sin!

If you're dating, accountability is vital so that neither of you is caught up in sin, (i.e. lust). Being open to your selected sisters about your life and your dating relationship, helps kill sin, since it wants to hide and grow, but we need to shed gospel light on it, to reveal it, and kill it!

Boundaries are helpful because they give you, and your accountability partner(s) guidelines that you and your boyfriend/girlfriend want to obey so you don't fall into sexual sin. To be clear, if you don't set boundaries it doesn't mean you are sinning BUT it is to HELP you stay far from it. 

2. Prepare for Marriage

Having a sex drive is NOT a sin. Sex is NOT a sin. These are gifts from God, BUT ONLY sex in marriage is God glorifying. Sex outside of marriage or lustful thoughts of any kind is sinful. But it could be argued that any sexually physical intimacy (foreplay, touching, rubbing, oral sex) outside of marriage is under the vise of lustful thoughts because I don't think it can be humanly possible that a couple could engage in the list above, without having lustful thoughts, thereby sinning.

So this sex drive that is God given, is given, so men and women get married! One possible problem to this, can be the American culture has cultivated a "prolonged adolescence."  Meaning men and women think they are too young to get married because A and B need to be handled first. Ok, sometimes it's true, you need a job to support your wife but it is rare that, that is the only barrier. At times marriage is seen as a last resort, even held off so a person can "have fun" before they are tied down. Our culture has men who are adolescents with nice toys, money, and a plethora of ladies to choose from (at least in the secular world). 

Our sex drive is to push us to get ready to have fun in the marriage bed and Lord willing make babies :) Sure it should be suppressed but for the right reasons (not currently dating/courting anyone, too young, no job), I don't think it should be suppressed 'because I need X amount of years of getting to know this person,' that you won't even fully know until you get married! That's the beauty of marriage-- you won't fully know who you are marrying until you're married. Of course choose wisely, but marriage is a blessing and hard because your own individual sin begins to surface like crazy (this can easily be another blog post)-- At the same time marriage is a blessing and I highly recommend it :)

3. Killing Lust Now, Helps Later

Killing sin in this realm strengthens your future marriage and protects the marriage bed even after marriage. Let me explain...

If you are fighting, and I mean really fighting to try to stay pure before marriage (having strong accountability to the local church family, asking forgiveness of each other when you both fall into lust with each other, etc), this "killing of sin" strengthens lustful actions after you get married. 

You see, currently all the lustful focus is on your boyfriend/girlfriend, but once you get married those particular sinful temptations don't stay on your wife/husband, unfortunately it moves on. This was completely new to me... Your husband's desire is still for his wife but now because we are sinful creatures, your husbands temptation now is to lust but after someone not you. Now those sinful temptations have morphed, now the temptation is to lust after other women, not your wife! Sorry boys to blow the lid on this, BUT sin is crouching at your door waiting to devour  you (Genesis 4:7, 1 Peter 5:8) Whether the temptation is online images, movie images, commercials images, personal memory images, the fight is present, and it's up to the individual to fight! Now if they've regularly given themselves in the past to sinful lust, then it's a no brainer submitting and fulfilling the desire that God has forsaken--They didn't "train" their bodies to fight (1 Corinthians 9:24-27). They're use to submitting to the call of sin before they were married, and that ONLY weakened them. 

One thing that PJ and I recommend after marriage, is keeping a strong accountability between spouses. Nothing off the table, including lust issues that the spouse struggles with. Because of our male/female sexual natures, many times it will be the male who struggles with lust issues in this way. Women struggle with lust but usually in another way (this can also be a whole other blog post!) which a husband can ask questions about. Warning: these talks will NOT be easy. A whole lot of crying, sinful bitterness, feeling inadequate, sinful anger, etc will be felt but the point of helping our husbands fight is a blessing. I see it this way, if my husband has strong accountability with his brother's in Christ at CrossView, because I'm his wife, I want it stronger, since I am his best friend, and bff's share everything, I feel I'm cheated if I'm not shared this information to. I want all of PJ--the good, the bad and the ugly. He'll in turn get all of me. Also, some couples won't be able to share as much as others, but I think as long as he has brothers in his church to confide in, that will encourage him and rebuke him when needed, then that is extremely helpful. I guess this is just one step further in accountability with your spouse, but perhaps not all need it or even want it. The point of your husband opening up to you is not so we discourage him but encourage his fight. Yes, it will be hard to hear and help but as you (and I) grow in humility (because really a self righteous attitude begins to emerge in most wives) we can begin to hold our husbands accountable and have them fear God, not us. If they just fear the consequence of us being mad at them then the fighting of the sin will only go so far. The reverence they have for God will push them to fight and then their love for us, of course will be very helpful. 

As I've spoken and speak to different ladies and keep them specifically accountable when in a relationship, this harsh reality surprises them. I know it surprised me after I got married. I felt so bitter, and broken and thought out loud (and to myself) "Am I not good enough for you?!" but the sad reality hit me. No, I alone am not good enough to keep my husband from sin. Don't forget that having sex with your husband is indeed helpful on many levels, one being: helping him to fight lust but it's not all he needs. Our husbands need to cling to Christ Jesus so that he can fight his sin (in this case lust) AND be happy in Jesus as he does it-- this will benefit our marriages! 

If you are not in any relationship, remember to keep fighting any sin, and make it a regular routine to fight your sin for the joy of having more of Jesus Christ. Train your body to have self control. Self control is not just for self control sake, its so you stay away from sin so you enjoy God through Christ Jesus far more then if you had that particular sin! 

Remember future grace-- this helps to remember that killing lust now will help your walk with God in the days, months, years to come. Test it now. See how good God is in helping you fight sin and see how much more you can enjoy him with a pure heart. He'll give you grace to fight when you're married, but you got to make it a habit now. Don't be sloppy, lazy, sinful with fighting now, because when you're married you can't expect yourself to know how to fight off your sinful desires after years of falling into sin. FIGHT NOW. Get strong accountability in your local church now. Prepare yourself for marriage now. It's never to early to prepare for marriage. Of course it has to be under the guise "if the Lord wills." PJ and I are trying to raise our kids in light of the gospel, and with that, teaching them now how to be godly spouses (if the Lord wills). 

I pray and hope something from this post can be deemed as helpful. Fight brothers and sisters, fight for your joy in Christ Jesus! Grace be with you!

Frances

Count Your Blessings

CrossView kids taken Jan 2010

1. A blessed Sunday service. PJ's going through a suffering series that's been refreshing. I feel its been pushing CrossView to remember we are not to seek comfort or live our lives as to avoid suffering but if we trust and believe in who God is through Christ Jesus, then that has implications of suffering for the sake of the cross.

I've been reminded to not expect to live another day, but to be thankful of living another day.

2. Talking to Praise, Kim, Feilbe, and Sally after lunch. Sharing life then being all prompted to pray.

3. Master's students (Brenden, Daniel, Stephanie, Becca, and Leah) being so helpful and refreshing to CrossView. We'll miss them!

4. PJ and I riding our bikes to church! Inspired by this.

5. Alaiza's excitement of Christy's (a new-comer) interest in membership. Alaiza wants dibs on being her accountability partner :)

6. PJ re-telling our love story to the inquiring Master's students

7. D.A. Carson's reminder that we are not to measure God's love by what we perceive God should be doing or not doing, but measure by what happened on a hill called Calvary! Amazing!

An Ocean Blue Wedding

I had an opportunity to shoot one of our church families wedding in May,  what an honor! It was hard, being the only shooter, and not to mention, the time of day was not picture friendly (noon!) But God was kind and allowed me to do what I needed in order to give them some pictures that were adaquate!

Jennie and Carlos have a powerful Gospel story, and because of that, they were allowed to enter into covenant with each other, knowing that their greater covenant is with Christ Jesus!

Here is their story:

Father God, continue to build this couple in understanding who you are and who they are in light of your son, Christ Jesus. Help them to build their marriage on the truth of Christ, so that no person, or trial can separate them. May they pour into loving each other and their children for the sake of the Gospel and may they love you first so that they may truly know how to love each other.  In Christ name, Amen!