then came kinship...

It’s been a while since i’ve blogged but i felt the need to dust off the good’ol laptop and get some thoughts on here. since kinship podcast is on hiatus i’d like to jump start my writing on here, at least until we begin season 2 sometime in september. 

starting kinship was a blessing. like i said on the podcast (episode 1), i have many thoughts and ideas that i needed to get out of my brain and i didn’t have a consistent platform to do so. then enters...signal the angelic music...kinship. 

the everyday talks i had with bethany, pam and kelly were deep, helpful, and biblical. then a light bulb went off! i thought, what if more people can hear us and get conversations going at their church?! i wanted more people at the table with us. chiming in. laughing. hearing me say dumb stuff. it wasn’t necessarily because i felt we had anything spectacular or unique to say but simply the fact that we were having these conversations. i also imagined other sisters in Christ, at different churches, in local churches, having these deep fulfilling conversations. so how could i bring all this together? signal angelic music again...kinship. i’m not saying our podcast is from heaven but i am saying that the vision i had was to spread the idea of local church love and that’s straight up from the Bible and heaven. can I get some dance music up in here (pumping my fist into the air). 

we’re on hiatus and brainstorming our next season as we maneuver kelly’s departure, baby tallada, and a few other things. we'll pray season 2 will be just as helpful or even more. 

Soli Deo Gloria.

church family

what does the church look like to you?

it varies from church to church but would you say they are family? would they be thicker than blood?

the new testament church was not a sunday only affair. in the book of acts (acts 2:42-47) they devoted themselves to God's word, broke bread, prayed, and helped each other. they loved each other well, so well that the outside world wondered what was going on.

when you live life with your church family you feel encouraged and refreshed. when you live life with your church family you sometimes step on people's toes. A month ago i felt like i was stomping on people's feet! i failed several times in loving people correctly. i had to ask a dear couple for forgiveness because i assumed and i had to ask another dear friend for forgiveness because i came off frustrated towards her. fail. fail. fail. i felt super dumb and super small. it was good though. they were all kind in forgiving me and i was so thankful for our bond in Christ. i was thankful that we were in agreement--when we sin, we ask for forgiveness and we seek reconciliation. no brushing it under the rug. no laughing it off as the pain stings. no bitterness beginning to form. just acknowledgement of our short comings and extending forgiveness because Christ forgave us. this is a church body i am proud to be part of: where we boast in our weakness because we show how much more glorious Jesus Christ is.

thank you bethany baptist church.

Hard Week BUT...

Last week was tough. PJ was gone for a conference. I was sick while watching the kids. And even when PJ returned, it still was tense.  I couldn't help just feeling overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with parenting. Overwhelmed with ministry. Overwhelmed with relationships. Just overwhelmed.

I felt thin but thank God for his mercy that strengthened my soul. It's funny how sickness can really be a spiritual purging. Comfort, physical comfort, can be quite a foe.

I'm thankful for these times. The hard times. I know it's hard to praise the Lord Jesus during the trials. Thankful for God breaking through and allowing me see Jesus. Without him, life would be unbearable!

My soul is now strengthened-- Realizing how small I am and how BIG God is is refreshing. Leave it to the importance of the historical resurrection story, to open my eyes.

We remind our kids that Easter is not about a bunny, candy or eggs. But it's about a real person, the Son of God, who took the place of our sin, died on the cross, and rose on the 3rd day. His rising (his resurrection) proved to the world-- it showed that his death was the only God accepted sacrifice that could take away sin. Only a sinless, God-Man, Jesus Christ, could bear all sin and the punishment of the world. No other sacrifice or good deeds could do such a thing. Only Jesus' death. So that is why Easter is such a big deal! As one of my favorite hymns sings:

Sin had left a crimson stain,

He washed it white as snow.

They'll Be Days Like This...

 

I sort of feel like holding this sign up... This week has been crazy and God is continuing to throw curve balls.

It's not like I'm bitter towards God. I'm not even really questioning him. But I am praying. I haven't prayed like this in awhile. I feel God's bringing me and others to our knees.

CrossView is getting hit by various trials. These trials are hitting close to home for various reasons. I know CrossView is hitting bumps on the road but praise the Lord he is still sustaining us! I love my church family. I can't begin to speak of how PJ, the kids and myself love these people. Serving them is a privilege but, I'm not gonna lie, it's challenging. It's not anyone's fault. It's the nature of sin and that we live in a fallen world. I don't want CrossView family to ever think they can't come to PJ or I because they don't want to burden us. We grieve with those who are grieving and we laugh with those who are laughing.

God help us to rely on your promises. Send grace Lord because we are in need. In Christ name, Amen.

Nicholas's Party

Cool, CrossView cats, headed over to Nicholas's fast, and furious party!

Praise the Lord for another year in Nicholas's life. 

Father grow Nicholas strong and healthy but more importantly to be a man that loves you above everything and everyone. Help Jennie and Carlos to set an example in their home that Michael and Nicholas can proudly follow. Bless their home to be a place where you are first, where Carlos leads them all closer to Christ and Jennie supports. Help Michael and Nicholas to be men that love and serve people with the message of Jesus Christ. In Christ name, Amen.

Cookie Cutter Method?

(image taken from here)

Hospitality

I've given myself credit, in the past, for not falling into the folly of thinking there's a "cookie cuter" Pastor's wife role. I've spread my doctrine to friends and family about what I think a Pastor's wife role is--easy---to be a faithful disciple of Christ, a faithful wife, a faithful mommy, and a faithful church member. Of course there's more to say, but at the end of the day I felt that was the message, if asked, in a nut shell. 

God started revealing sin in my heart. I think I felt proud that I didn't struggle with this complex, as some other wives did. It was lodged in my brain, "I got this." I began seeing my folly--"How can I fail in this? This is what a Pastor's wife is made of, but it doesn't come naturally to me." What was it? Hospitality. 

Growing as a Christian around mature women, who just churned up delicious meals, endless hangouts, wise counsel, and cleanaing up, all in a shorts notice or for multiple times a week! Perhaps I'm exaggerating, but it sure felt this way. As I soon got married, had children, my husband in the ministry, I believe I tried to have the same agenda as previous godly women I observed. I started to sense this didn't come naturally to me. I began seeing my up bringing as a hinderance to this. I felt PJ was from a different mind set, since his up bringing was different than mine.  I felt sad. Why? Idolatry. You see, I wanted to serve to a capacity that I felt good about myself. Good to know that I had the good'ol hospitable badge on my chest, and of course, ALL Pastor wives did....WRONG. You see I was trying to fit in a mold that I sinfully created. I was trying hard to make the shoe fit. 

So reality is-- I don't easily have the urge to always be hospitable. I hesistate to say this, in case some family, friends think they'll be a burden, but on the contrary, it allows me opportunities to say yes or no, without fear of man. My decline to be host on a particular night/day, are never intended to hurt anyone but because I'm getting to know more and more my capacities as a wife and mother, I sometimes need to say no for the good of my soul and my family-- but I need to make that decision (with PJ's help of course:). It's ok to lack, we're human and God's working in us, and it's ok to confess it.  Striving and finding ways to bless other's and be blessed by others, is freeing; that also, can look different for the people of the local church community. 

Discipleship

Being at Capitol Hill Baptist Church was helpful in so many ways. There were many married women and single, which made a great learning atmosphere. I wondered with all these women being so busy, and yet having time to pour into these younger women, "How did they do it?!" It was at a CHBC women's retreat, where the insight was revealed to me. There was a workshop speifically addressing my simple question. There was a panel of wives/moms, with young women. The older women were discipling the younger (Titus 2) and were explaining their discipliship methods. It was genuis! At least in my mind. The women didn't sit down for an hour and read a 400 page book with homework and prep time,  and yet still manage to talk about their lives, blessings, things God's been teaching them, etc. As simple as it was, it was--- watch me. Watch me? There was a mutal understading that the wife, and the young woman, can sit down and talk about things that God has put on their hearts (these conversations can go in so many directions). What's key in this agreement, is--- understanding there WILL be interruptions, because she will serve her family in various ways as she's there, and she can participate by watching, learning, asking questions, etc. Great, huh? I ate that philosphy up and wanted to run with it! I soon started to understand that there needs to be a mutal understanding of this kind of discipliship, but I can totally see how it would be benefical and helpful on so many levels. I'm not saying this is the only way or the best way, but I am saying if you are busy with life, family, friends, church, this method can be helpful and a big blessing. And since I struggle with hospitality, this method is helpful for me in that regard too!

So I beckon other young ladies, don't feel discipleship has to be one specific way (read a book together/ Bible reading), although if it works, then do it, but if it doesn't work for a wife, then adjust with her and trust me, there's lots to learn about being a wife and a mother that can increase your understanding of it, if it's acted out in front of you. This is an out  working of being in a community (a local church family). Assure the busy wife that you just want to talk and pray and want to learn how she cares for her family. This can be helpful in getting an older woman to disciple you. I've heard that a lot of older women can sometimes feel inadaquate if discipleship is asked of them, but this method can be non-aggressive and less can be asked, as far as preparation. Just life--on--life, isn't that what community's about?

There's other ways hospitality can be done,  and there's other ways discipleship can be done. There's no cookie cuter method, just life--on--life.

Mommy and Key Date

A nice casual time with my little Key. 

She's so easy to please at this age!

How I pray for her and her seeing and

savoring Jesus Christ. I also pray and hope

PJ and I teach her well and grow her

to be a woman that is to treasured above

rubies; A woman that fears the LORD, and

a joyful love of God, and the things of God.

But as much PJ and I strive for these things,

she is ultimately in his hands, as all our 

children are. I must remember the most 

treasured, and important relationship, she'll

possibly have on earth is with her husband,

 so I must train her well for that :)

But I think often times the church, (myself included) forgets that

a community makes a person. Many different people from different paths

affect our lives. So, who will affect my little Key's life or any of my children? I think I know the answer. I believe it will be the blood family, friends, and the church family they'll grow up in. As Christian parents, we can believe WE have the sole responsibility of effecting our children, or it's the churches responsibility to raise our children. I believe, and as many others do, it's both! As they get older, mommy and abba might not get through to them because of various reasons, BUT if they have strong relationships within the church family with godly men and women, (I would argue more adults and young adults, then peers) whom our kids can confide in and in turn listen to biblical advice/love from church family who can shed gospel light on their trials, questions, fears, etc. these relationships, can be so helpful and healthy for their own spiritual walk and the churches! It's an age old secret--a community raises a child. 

Dating 101: Lust

(image taken from silentnight.co.uk)

Throughout the years of being in the ministry with PJ, my husband, we've encountered various situations dating couples are faced with. Some are small that can be worked out quickly and then there are bigger issues that require more in depth counsel and accountability.

First, PJ and I are not experts. The things I'm about to say are just wise words from us to people. Secondly, PJ and I are not naive to the physical pull that is placed on a relationship. That's one of the reasons PJ and I wanted to get married ASAP so we, by God's grace, tried to "flee from youthful passions" (2 Tim 2:22).  At the same time we weren't perfect and we had our struggles but by God's grace we were not physically immoral (sex before marriage). We tried a variety of things that would keep us from sinning against God and each other. I've see and heard from various couples the struggles of being Christian and trying to court/date in a way that honors God and each other.  

I'd like to share some thoughts to 1. Christians who are single, 2. Christians who are courting/dating, and 

3. Christian married couples. 

1. Clearly Set Accountability and Boundaries

Accountability is a must! Since you are a believer who still struggles with sin, we are called to "confess [our] sins to one another" (James 5:16) so that we don't get deceived by it (Hebrews 3:13). When there's a sexual sin or struggle, we are to seek accountability (confessing and encouragement) from our brothers and sisters in our church community. We don't have to seek it from the whole church but brothers and sisters you are committed to and are committed to you--keeping a watchful eye over each other's soul. Perhaps you want to pick a few sisters that are committed to helping you grow in holiness and vice versa. 

Whether you are dating or not, married or not, confiding and seeking accountability is needed. If you have a hard time opening up or have trust issues, you must remember that we are all sinners in need of grace. We as church family are not to seek to put on a facade and "pretend" we are holier than we are...No one is. We are all in need of growth, so beware of becoming a church community of performance rather than a community of grace [link added]. A community of grace seeks to repent when they sin and celebrate when they remember the cross to cleanse them from their present sin and grace to help with future sin!

If you're dating, accountability is vital so that neither of you is caught up in sin, (i.e. lust). Being open to your selected sisters about your life and your dating relationship, helps kill sin, since it wants to hide and grow, but we need to shed gospel light on it, to reveal it, and kill it!

Boundaries are helpful because they give you, and your accountability partner(s) guidelines that you and your boyfriend/girlfriend want to obey so you don't fall into sexual sin. To be clear, if you don't set boundaries it doesn't mean you are sinning BUT it is to HELP you stay far from it. 

2. Prepare for Marriage

Having a sex drive is NOT a sin. Sex is NOT a sin. These are gifts from God, BUT ONLY sex in marriage is God glorifying. Sex outside of marriage or lustful thoughts of any kind is sinful. But it could be argued that any sexually physical intimacy (foreplay, touching, rubbing, oral sex) outside of marriage is under the vise of lustful thoughts because I don't think it can be humanly possible that a couple could engage in the list above, without having lustful thoughts, thereby sinning.

So this sex drive that is God given, is given, so men and women get married! One possible problem to this, can be the American culture has cultivated a "prolonged adolescence."  Meaning men and women think they are too young to get married because A and B need to be handled first. Ok, sometimes it's true, you need a job to support your wife but it is rare that, that is the only barrier. At times marriage is seen as a last resort, even held off so a person can "have fun" before they are tied down. Our culture has men who are adolescents with nice toys, money, and a plethora of ladies to choose from (at least in the secular world). 

Our sex drive is to push us to get ready to have fun in the marriage bed and Lord willing make babies :) Sure it should be suppressed but for the right reasons (not currently dating/courting anyone, too young, no job), I don't think it should be suppressed 'because I need X amount of years of getting to know this person,' that you won't even fully know until you get married! That's the beauty of marriage-- you won't fully know who you are marrying until you're married. Of course choose wisely, but marriage is a blessing and hard because your own individual sin begins to surface like crazy (this can easily be another blog post)-- At the same time marriage is a blessing and I highly recommend it :)

3. Killing Lust Now, Helps Later

Killing sin in this realm strengthens your future marriage and protects the marriage bed even after marriage. Let me explain...

If you are fighting, and I mean really fighting to try to stay pure before marriage (having strong accountability to the local church family, asking forgiveness of each other when you both fall into lust with each other, etc), this "killing of sin" strengthens lustful actions after you get married. 

You see, currently all the lustful focus is on your boyfriend/girlfriend, but once you get married those particular sinful temptations don't stay on your wife/husband, unfortunately it moves on. This was completely new to me... Your husband's desire is still for his wife but now because we are sinful creatures, your husbands temptation now is to lust but after someone not you. Now those sinful temptations have morphed, now the temptation is to lust after other women, not your wife! Sorry boys to blow the lid on this, BUT sin is crouching at your door waiting to devour  you (Genesis 4:7, 1 Peter 5:8) Whether the temptation is online images, movie images, commercials images, personal memory images, the fight is present, and it's up to the individual to fight! Now if they've regularly given themselves in the past to sinful lust, then it's a no brainer submitting and fulfilling the desire that God has forsaken--They didn't "train" their bodies to fight (1 Corinthians 9:24-27). They're use to submitting to the call of sin before they were married, and that ONLY weakened them. 

One thing that PJ and I recommend after marriage, is keeping a strong accountability between spouses. Nothing off the table, including lust issues that the spouse struggles with. Because of our male/female sexual natures, many times it will be the male who struggles with lust issues in this way. Women struggle with lust but usually in another way (this can also be a whole other blog post!) which a husband can ask questions about. Warning: these talks will NOT be easy. A whole lot of crying, sinful bitterness, feeling inadequate, sinful anger, etc will be felt but the point of helping our husbands fight is a blessing. I see it this way, if my husband has strong accountability with his brother's in Christ at CrossView, because I'm his wife, I want it stronger, since I am his best friend, and bff's share everything, I feel I'm cheated if I'm not shared this information to. I want all of PJ--the good, the bad and the ugly. He'll in turn get all of me. Also, some couples won't be able to share as much as others, but I think as long as he has brothers in his church to confide in, that will encourage him and rebuke him when needed, then that is extremely helpful. I guess this is just one step further in accountability with your spouse, but perhaps not all need it or even want it. The point of your husband opening up to you is not so we discourage him but encourage his fight. Yes, it will be hard to hear and help but as you (and I) grow in humility (because really a self righteous attitude begins to emerge in most wives) we can begin to hold our husbands accountable and have them fear God, not us. If they just fear the consequence of us being mad at them then the fighting of the sin will only go so far. The reverence they have for God will push them to fight and then their love for us, of course will be very helpful. 

As I've spoken and speak to different ladies and keep them specifically accountable when in a relationship, this harsh reality surprises them. I know it surprised me after I got married. I felt so bitter, and broken and thought out loud (and to myself) "Am I not good enough for you?!" but the sad reality hit me. No, I alone am not good enough to keep my husband from sin. Don't forget that having sex with your husband is indeed helpful on many levels, one being: helping him to fight lust but it's not all he needs. Our husbands need to cling to Christ Jesus so that he can fight his sin (in this case lust) AND be happy in Jesus as he does it-- this will benefit our marriages! 

If you are not in any relationship, remember to keep fighting any sin, and make it a regular routine to fight your sin for the joy of having more of Jesus Christ. Train your body to have self control. Self control is not just for self control sake, its so you stay away from sin so you enjoy God through Christ Jesus far more then if you had that particular sin! 

Remember future grace-- this helps to remember that killing lust now will help your walk with God in the days, months, years to come. Test it now. See how good God is in helping you fight sin and see how much more you can enjoy him with a pure heart. He'll give you grace to fight when you're married, but you got to make it a habit now. Don't be sloppy, lazy, sinful with fighting now, because when you're married you can't expect yourself to know how to fight off your sinful desires after years of falling into sin. FIGHT NOW. Get strong accountability in your local church now. Prepare yourself for marriage now. It's never to early to prepare for marriage. Of course it has to be under the guise "if the Lord wills." PJ and I are trying to raise our kids in light of the gospel, and with that, teaching them now how to be godly spouses (if the Lord wills). 

I pray and hope something from this post can be deemed as helpful. Fight brothers and sisters, fight for your joy in Christ Jesus! Grace be with you!

Frances

Spring Roll Please

This past weekend I attended two bridal showers. It's great anticipating the big day "when the two shall become one"! 

The second shower was for our good friend Melody, her kind bridemaids surprised her with a cute intimate dinner at a yummy Mexican restaurant. The first shower, we were lavished with terrific food--authentic egg and spring rolls. OH MY GOSH, SO good! I couldn't keep my fingers off them.  So when it came time to leave, to my relief, Kim (bride-to-be) handed everyone little baggies of egg and spring rolls! I not only got one baggie BUT two. Guess what was my lunch and dinner for the next two days?! That's right, Kim's bridal shower take home goodies.

Every bit was not satisfying-- it left me wanting more and more!

Lord, may these individual couples grew in loving each other but grow in love far more with you! Marriage will grow them in ways not percieved or prepared for, so give them grace to trust the good work you are doing in them and the sin that you want to perge from their hearts. Help them decrease so you may increase. May they cherish each other and fall more in love as the years pass. Give them grace to display Christ and Church to their family, friends, and world! In Christ name, Amen.

Sunday Blessings

Sundays are always a blessing (if I allow them to be) for various reasons.  This Sunday in particular, I had a reminded outlook of what the church body is like...

A bunch of people who at times have little, or nothing in common, sometimes get on each others nerves, blatantly sin against each other, love each other, feel indifferent towards each other, pray for each other, laugh together, cry together, rebuke one another, encourage each other, and much, much more.

Having brunch with A29 wives (a group of pastors' wives) on Saturday was refreshing.  Some of us were able to talk about church issues.  Topic at hand:  difficulties with some people at church.  One pastor's wife spoke of a trial with another person at the church.  All of us were able to pitch in, and shed some light on the situation.   A lot of us spoke from experience.  As we talked and shared we were reminded that everyone in the church is not gonna be likable (including ourselves) so it's how we handle it in light of the gospel.  Lots and lots and lots of grace is required to continue on in a community where every one is as messed up as any one can be, because of our yucky sin.

God is so kind and gracious in giving us a community where what brings us together is bigger than everyone.  Christ and his sacrificial death on our behalf, SO that we can be children of God.  Amazing.