porn has really been on my mind. not in a perverted way, but because we're preparing. there's a battle for our children's minds and souls. our kids are getting older and are being exposed to a whole lot of images, verbiage, and ideas that are contrary to what we are trying to teach them. the question is no longer--- will Rock, Key, Story and City see porn? in reality, it's when will they see porn? and it's our job to help them prepare for it.
since it's been on our radar, it's been a blessing to come across great articles, blog posts, books and videos. these have been helpful in preparing us and our kids. porn is a serious problem. it can destroy marriages and families. don't let the culture fool as they try to normalize it.
there's things we've implemented in our home culture in preparation for future conversations about sex. we have not discussed "sex" yet, but we are trying to set things in place so when we get there, there won't be a huge chasm of information. we've included things that have helped PJ and I fight sin and good habits we've tried to set in our home.
here are a few (links provided)....
we've taught our kids about immodesty and modesty. our kids are now sensitive to immodesty. they turn away from inappropriate billboards, entertainment, and even people we come across. they try to politely ask us if what they were wearing was "modest." they'll even correct me at home or when we're out!
an audio interview mentioned teaching children that "naked is private." we really like this concept. since we have one 1 boy and 3 girls, it's obvious that we need to set boundaries, especially when they start feeling uncomfortable around each other. we're still on a learning curve since they're still small and don't see anything wrong or inappropriate yet. the concept is helpful with respecting nakedness. clothing nakedness should be done in private. sexual images like what is seen in movies and especially porn, should make us feel uncomfortable for them and us. drawing lines early is important (with modesty) so when a naked woman is seen, it's clear they need to look away. we've taught them to not look at people naked, and if they come across it, they are to close the laptop or whatever device (or say "no thanks" to the friend who is showing them an image) and tell us immediately! this also helps in teaching them about molestation and that no family or friend should ask to see them naked or show them anything improper.
i came across this article/video and it was helpful to hear a mother address nakedness. we have introduced "naked is private" but i'm also a breast-feeding mom that doesn't cover up when my kids are around. i've concluded that i want them to understand that breast are not to inappropriately flaunt but to nourish children with. as they grow older we'll have to have appropriate conversations about the God-given anatomy of humans and the beauty of sex, but for now, breasts are not to be flaunted. at the same time i don't mind my son or daughters seeing me change and ask about my mommy anatomy. they're kids and have questions and it gives me an opportunity to tell them about the beauty of motherhood and what a real life body looks like. i want them to understand reality and the lies that the media portrays. thighs can be flabby, butts jiggle, tummies do have scars on them! so we will teach both.... "naked is private but if you have questions please come here to us and ask ALL the questions you want, even if it makes mommy and daddy uncomfortable" :)
with our son, i feel different then i do with our girls, maybe it's because of their obvious gender difference or maybe because i know the battle for his mind is fierce. it worries me at times. with Rock, i know he'll come across something sexually that is really enticing. the question is when. it breaks my heart to think of these things but i can't ignore it! praise God PJ is honest about what a man struggles with. PJ and Rock will have plenty of hard, honest, gracious conversations about what guys struggle with. this dad and son openness will be vital in helping Rock fight the temptation to lust. us girls will have similar hard conversations but honest. this accountability will be extremely helpful in preparing our kids and growing them when they fall.
knowing the culture of your home is vital. in other words, what could be lust triggers for someone in your household? internet, movies, music videos, instagram, blogs? we've never allowed barbies in our home because of their fully exposed bodies but a family member gave our girls princess barbies that were a little more modest, but this week Rock asked if his sister's barbies could be banned from our home. he said they were distracting. we agreed. it reminded me that our family fighting lust needs to be exactly that--we need to help each other fight sin and in this case, lust.
confession is so freeing. our church has been a blessing in having a community of grace and not performance. that must be the same in our homes. that means when we sin, we can't hide it because in order to be truly free from sin we need to run from it and ask others to help and keep us accountable. when this healthy habit is implemented, we can feel free to confess our sins, no matter how ugly, because we'll be accepted no matter what and forgiveness is open and free. another important aspect to confession-- for those listening to confession-- you shouldn't be shocked as if you or they didn't know what we are capable of. being in the ministry with pj, going on 10 years, we've seen it all. our hearts are burdened by the sin we and others commit, but it's so refreshing to let whomever we are counseling know there is hope in Christ Jesus! we must give that same hope to our children. they aren't perfect, they'll commit "shocking" sins but we must be ready to point them to the ONE that covers ALL our sins.
tied with confession is being keenly aware that hiding sin is detrimental in anyones life. lying is always a lose-lose situation. God kindly cautions us by saying, "be sure your sin will catch up with you."
we've made sure our kids understand that lying is a HUGE deal. when they've lied in the past they get double the discipline. why? we've wanted to teach them that lying or hiding sin leads to a more hurt and pain. i'm constantly reminding our kids to be a person of integrity, sometimes being that person is hard but far more rewarding in the eyes of the Lord. this teaching goes against the grain in our souls but God is patient with us and teaches us....the same has to be done with our children.
porn proofing your home.
Getting ready to talk about sex, early.
this book for daughters has been helpful.
this book for sons...PJ is currently reading it.