The Pastor Wife's Role

Being a pastor's wife is perhaps, not what people think and what people think...

I love being a help mate to my Lovely as he serves and loves our church family. I often hear, read or see things that remind me that the "Pastor Wife's" role can at times be unclear or misunderstood. If the pastor/overseer/elder (the Bible uses these interchangeably) role is unclear or misunderstood to some, then I'm sure the pastor wife's role is too!

I had a few misconceptions myself-- before I became a wife to a pastor/elder.

On one level, a wife of an elder/overseer is like other wives. The expectations are from God, just like any other Christian wife. The biblical expectations for the Christian wife are already difficult to do because of indwelling sin. There are no extra expectations on the pastor's wife, just what she is meant to do that honors and shows Christ to her family, friends, and world.  A pastor's wife is to make her priority the home over other people, things or jobs-- so it is with any other wife. A pastor wife is to love the local church body-- so it is with any other wife. A pastor's wife is to seek her spiritual gifts and use them accordingly--so it is with any other wife. You get the point. 

Now, on another level, being a wife to a pastor is unique, but so is every wife's role. Why? Because you are the wife to an individual who is unique as you are unique. So the whole situation is unique!

What I mean is... the pastor has a key responsibility to grow the sheep. If the sheep are unhealthy, he has a special responsibility to speak into their souls with God's word--he will give an account to the way he has taken care of the sheep that are entrusted to him. All husbands are also responsible for others, especially his wife and children. All Christian husbands are even responsible for other church members. But in a more strict way the pastor has to give an account before God (Hebrews 13:17). Because the pastor has a special obligation to God, their life and ministry will become more intense. 

I love the way Jonathan Leeman expresses it...

Pressures will increase to fight pride, forgive quickly, ignore criticism, love generously, sacrifice time together, and so forth. For her and for me both, the stakes of the Christian life will become higher, and so it will become that much more practically important that we are both abiding in the gospel. You might say that being a pastor or elder's wife doesn't add any new knobs to the stereo, it just turns up the volume. But don't misunderstand: the music is good!