mammoth

after the lovely husband being gone for school we had the privilege of attending a retreat he was speaking at a few days after he arrived home. the group was lovely and couldn't have asked for a better group to get stuck up the mountain with. i wanted to take the kids up to the snow for a few years but couldn't make a game plan. thankfully this trip was exactly what we all needed. 

what we all didn't expect was for us to be right in the middle of a blizzard! according to locals the weather had never been that bad. we had to stay an extra day because the roads were closed. sooooo because we had enough snow to last us for 10 years, i am in no hurry to scurry up any mountain for a long time. 

since we were all cooped up in doors in a small place, it gave pj and i good discipleship moments with the kids. even our own hearts were tried and tested. thank God for grace. 

mom

when i don't want to be mom today

there are days that being a mom is awesome. you feel like you got the hang of this motherhood, in fact you feel like the CEO! THEN there are days, weeks perhaps, that you can feel like you're gasping for air. the weight of the day-to-day gets overwhelming. simple meal plans feel like agony, refereeing the 10th fight makes you cringe. maybe i'm the only one with bad days....no, wait, I'm not.

this roller coaster happens often in our household. what can i do besides throw in the towel and give up? how can i make these ups and downs focused on Christ Jesus?

little humble ways that may help.

1. you can pray as you do things. pray as you cook. pray as you clean. pray as you run errands etc. pray out loud. have the kids pray for you. pray with them before you start the day. of course it would be ideal to wake up and pray for 30 minutes but in reality a mom of five, 10 years and younger, has a hard time doing much. instead of beating yourself up with the do's and don't s of the Christian faith, take grace and run with it.

2. communicate with your husband. when he comes through the door there are times he knows something is wrong. in our sinfulness he can feel our distance or anger. or see the teary eyes.  if we struggle with words, blurting out "i need a break!" is sufficient. a quick plan of action can be helpful. have your husband text people in order to set up a date night or plan a day he can watch the kids while you go out. try taking the initiative to set up a sisters-in-Christ hangout or simply being around refreshing company can provide an end goal for the week.

3. repent and go to the cross: if it's those type of days go, by God's grace, and ask God for forgiveness and humble yourself and ask the kids for forgiveness of specific sins you've committed against them. sorry is for non-sin issues. using biblical language helps them and us understand sin and God's loving mercy. speaking of the gospel in the midst of asking for forgiveness is helpful and necessary. 

4. lay low. If you're like me, staying home is much more relaxing then running errands with five in tow. try to set up the week so there are days you are out for a bit and other days for recuperating. my kids are a mixed bag. some love staying home, others thrive off being out. try to be loving and do both for the sake of everyone's sanity. if laying low is not restful then setting play dates with refreshing friends can be another option. i have friends that can't stay home (for their own sanity) so they pursue play dates aggressively.

5. reading time. this looks different depending on the age group and sort of takes training (but don't start when you're overwhelmed!). even the little ones can look at books with pictures, that works too! for older kids reading time works great, older siblings can read to the younger ones. reading is a special time to mind travel. if things are getting too hectic call for a time out and have everyone read while you gather your sanity. maybe remind them if they have not read God's Word for the day, now is the time. encourage them and teach them to pray for a church family member from the church directory.

5b. for little ones, i suggest training in "sit down time." we've practiced this since my 10 year was little and it has saved me multiple times. as you begin training, start in very small increments. teach the child to sit down, without playing, without toys, without fidgeting. i know, whaaaaat? yes. it's amazing when it works by God's grace! set the timer (start at 1 minute), sit next to them as you watch and help them keep the rules. after the timer goes off, everyone celebrates! then you try it again the following day, and continue to increase the time gradually. i'm not 100% sure where I was taught this but it must have been from a book or a past church member.

6. phone a friend. whether you email, text or call, asking women to lift you up in prayer is crucial. i've group texted my sisters-in-Christ and called out for prayer because of a trial. share the details of your sin or temptations and call them to action--prayer. when you see them at church gatherings it's nice to hear their love and concern.

i've noticed my heart has a certain trajectory if i spend some time in reading God's word early in the morning. every situation differs as to when you can read but we must all agree it is necessary for life. brainstorm how that might look with your heart open to Christ in order to move closer to him.

being a mom is tough but SO lovely and rewarding. how you allow the Lord to run your household will comprehensively shape how you view children (perhaps another post).

lean on the commitment you've made with your church family in bearing each others burdens. being in a community of grace and not performance breaks chains. if you don't have a church environment like that i encourage you to ask God to make you the instigator. light the fire. praise the Father for his Son, Christ Jesus, who died for messed up mothers like us.

Reed's Birth Story

3am my contractions begin on november 18th. they're light but unquestionable. i begin timing them. 20 minutes apart. then 15 minutes apart. then back to 20. this goes on for 2 hours. then they get closer. i tell my Lovely husband that it might be time. i call the midwife and she tells me to call her when they're 5 minutes apart for an hour. PJ prepares his things and mine. he calls his brother and asks him if he can come pick up the kids. our brother picks up the kids so we're free to speed away to the birthing center at any moment. but my contractions subside to 30 minutes apart. hmmm. our midwife calls me at 9am. i tell her my predicament. this is very different from my four other births--once i begin contracting it quickly progresses. my midwife tells me to come in at 11am to see whats going on. my contractions get a little stronger but still erratic. we go in and she observes my lack of dilation and renders that i could have the baby tonight, tomorrow or in a week. my due date is november 30th, it's very possible this is false labor. we leave baffled.

we head over to my brothers to fetch our kids. on our way my Lovely picks up ramen noodles for me. as we head home we deliver the bad news to the kids that Reed hasn't decided what she wants to do. 

once we're home i'm tired and i want to rest. its 5pm and i'm getting inconsistent pains. by 7pm these pains become bothersome. at around 7:45pm the kids start their bedtime routine. still inconsistent but by 8:21pm i can't talk because the pain is becoming unbearable and they're 7 minutes apart. I'm contracting in our bedroom-- the birthing ball is at the edge our bed while i stand over it. other times PJ's pushing my hips inward to relieve some pressure.  PJ calls the kids to watch me while i contract, he uses it as a teaching moment. i wave them off because i'm trying to focus. the pain makes you do and say crazy things. pj calls our midwife and lets her know i'm having 7 minute apart contractions. she tells pj to monitor them and call her back in an hour. pj hangs up. he calls our couple friend, who will spend the night, to please come. 4 minutes later i begin to have them 4 minutes apart! the midwife calls back just as pj was about to call her. PJ tells her they are now 4 minutes apart. she was actually calling back to tell us to leave now. PJ calls our friend and lets them know to please come asap. As i contract i know we need to leave before our friends get here, if not PJ's delivering Reed in the car! which is what he has always dreamed of--delivering one of his children...noooooo!  i summon him to go get our neighbor friends. he frantically runs out to their home but they aren't there! he runs to our church building to see if they're there but instead finds their adult children who inform him they are out of town. PJ asks if they can come to our house and wait for our friends who are in transit. they happily oblige. as they walk back to our house our friends arrive. 

i walk down the stairs slowly. our kind friends try not to stare but are interested in the process. i try to muster up a smile and a short hand wave. they replicate the gesture. as we load our stuff in the car our friends are extremely helpful and make sure i'm as comfortable as i can be considering my uterus is opening up enough to shoot out a watermelon! i reluctantly get in the car because i'm getting close contractions. i'm trying so hard to remember the techniques i learned from the stupid hypnobirth lesson. but who's kidding, i did the fast track lesson and i'm not sure if anything will work at this point. relax frances. relax your face. relax your body. i can't! we drive off but as soon as we do i tell PJ to pull over while i bear another horrific contraction. it's done. we drive off towards the freeway. i'm anticipating this taking too long. the drive is a 15-20 min drive but at this rate maybe 45 minutes! PJ kindly informs me he can't keep pulling over because we won't get there in time. deep down i know he's right. dang it. ok lets do this. we drive. thankully i have a heat wrap on my back relieving some stress. by this time i think im humming. yes humming. we finally get to the birthing center and i get out quickly but walk extremely slow. mentally i wanna run but physically i just cant. we get into the vacant building, go into the elevator and enter the office as the staff worker welcomes me in and tells me to head to the exam room. our midwife informs me what to do. she lays me down, which is extremely uncomfortable and checks me. she immediately gets me down and says "your ready" and beckons the staff helper to prepare the hot tub with water. I waddle over to the birth room and just as we rehearsed they help me into the tub that has running hot water. i lean back and begin to hum again. i'm trying to recall what the australian hypnobirth lady repeated in my ears those countless nights over and over as I gently fell asleep to her voice. the humming relaxes me. in between contractions i'm falling asleep. the hot water feels good on my back since i'm getting what they call back labor. i had that with all kids. she tells me to push when i get contractions and to grab my thighs. PJ is outside the tub but right near me. he doesn't say much but watches intently. i get about 4 big contractions. she checks me and lets me know Reed is coming. in my head i'm skeptical. how can i be ready? i just got here. i push but i don't think Reed is coming down, at least not yet. i push 3 times. and when i mean push i mean grunting like a mad women ready for battle. it's my battle cry. i feel burning and stretching that i've never felt! to say it hurt is an understatement. in those 3 pushes i want to give up. but i can't she's almost out. the mid wife says "just one more push frances and she's out." really? i had to believe now. what else could i do. i muster up one final push as if my life depended on it. 

ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

my midwife grabs Reed out of the water and places her on my chest. im exhausted. no words just whimpering. all im thinking is "holy cow! i did it. it's over. she's out. she's out." i hold Reed but have no words. i can't. 

the feeling of relief is indescribable. at 10:31pm our little Reed entered our world.

they take Reed and put her on her abba. PJ's sitting on a rocking chair having skin to skin with his newest treasure. they get me out of the tub and onto the exam table to deliver the placenta and to assess if i need stitches. she warns me everything is super sensitive. she's not lying, i squirm and fidget but allow her to finish. PJ's right above me with our new littlest. he places her on my chest. i'm taken back to the birthing room and changed. i get into bed and begin nursing Reed. the three of us lay there exhausted and excited. the helpers bring me food to replenish. we chat with the staff helper. we rest. it's soon time to gather our things and head home. wow. that was fast. they explain lots of paper work, i nod. PJ takes our belongings to the car. I hold my baby girl as i'm wheelchaired to our car. she's snug in her car seat. we did it Reed. we did it.

We head home in disbelief that we just had a baby and now on our way home. we drive up to our home. it's quiet. it's gonna be a nice treat to wake up to the kids peering over their newest sibling. our friend comes down to greet us and ask us if we got sent home. he's a bit confused. we tell him nope we just had a baby! he's in disbelief as much as we are. his wife joins us as we chat. i'm full of energy. it's 3am but we're excited to tell our story. we say good night and all head back to bed. 

the next morning the kids awake. they hear crying and are asking questions outside our door. they're so cute. PJ gets up and prepares them to meet our newest clique member. they are bursting with excitement. they see her, touch her, kiss her and talk about her. they instantly love her. till this day nothing has changed. 

our friends are amazing. our sister in christ stays the whole day and watches over the kids. she feeds them, plays with them and takes them to the park. i don't know what i would have done without her and her husband. they are a blessing to our church family.  how kind of God.

it took me a month to finally write our birth story. the memories had to simmer and i had to heal emotionally from all those fresh memories of labor. as i would tell people, it's too soon. now as i hold baby Reed in my arms those hard moments disappear in light of her face. she's precious. she's a gift from the Lord and to our family. 

Thank you Lord.

 

It's been awhile

i didn't like this space for awhile. it made me nauseous. now that i'm out of my first trimester things are looking a little brighter.

i felt cooped up in my own body! i had ideas and things to write about so my head wouldn't explode but felt too tired and sick to express anything.

so much has happened that i can't keep track of everything. majority all good, praise the Lord.

we're in our new home and things are feeling a little more settled. it wasn't feeling like home for awhile but just recently it's feeling better--not home yet--but better.

summers here which means the kids are out of school, thank God! i needed a break, and i know they did too.

our 10th anniversary is coming up this thursday!!!! i'm not sure what we're doing yet (we both aren't planners:) but spontaneous is the way to go!

yesterday we celebrated father's day and i was reflecting on how God has been so gracious and kind to me. i found an old, handwritten list of all the things i wanted in a godly husband and i dedicated it to the Lord. i prayed over the list and asked God to please answer my prayer. he did! i'll have to share it after our anniversary. on the list was that he'll "love children." pj definitely loves children--you can tell, he wants lots of his own! i love him SO much!

 can't believe we'll have 5 kids!

 foods i'm craving.

 our new living space.

abba and his fam.

A forgotten birthday celebration

Key's birthday celebration was back in may and I never updated her surprise balloon party. we try to make it a family tradition for the kids. they love waking up to a living room full of balloons!

lots of new changes in our family. well, it's really just one but it sure makes everything else feel different! PJ is the new pastor of first southern baptist church of bellflower. that means we'll be moving to bellflower soon. i'm still getting use to the new routine especially on sunday. i know for sure i need tons of grace and that's what i have been praying for our family and the church.

Getting Ready for Porn

porn has really been on my mind. not in a perverted way, but because we're preparing. there's a battle for our children's minds and souls. our kids are getting older and are being exposed to a whole lot of images, verbiage, and ideas that are contrary to what we are trying to teach them. the question is no longer--- will Rock, Key, Story and City see porn? in reality, it's when will they see porn? and it's our job to help them prepare for it.

since it's been on our radar, it's been a blessing to come across great articles, blog posts, books and videos. these have been helpful in preparing us and our kids. porn is a serious problem. it can destroy marriages and families. don't let the culture fool as they try to normalize it.

there's things we've implemented in our home culture in preparation for future conversations about sex. we have not discussed "sex" yet, but we are trying to set things in place so when we get there, there won't be a huge chasm of information. we've included things that have helped PJ and I fight sin and good habits we've tried to set in our home.

here are a few (links provided)....

we've taught our kids about immodesty and modesty. our kids are now sensitive to immodesty. they turn away from inappropriate billboards, entertainment, and even people we come across. they try to politely ask us if what they were wearing was "modest." they'll even correct me at home or when we're out!

an audio interview mentioned teaching children that "naked is private." we really like this concept. since we have one 1 boy and 3 girls, it's obvious that we need to set boundaries, especially when they start feeling uncomfortable around each other. we're still on a learning curve since they're still small and don't see anything wrong or inappropriate yet. the concept is helpful with respecting nakedness. clothing nakedness should be done in private. sexual images like what is seen in movies and especially porn, should make us feel uncomfortable for them and us. drawing lines early is important (with modesty) so when a naked woman is seen, it's clear they need to look away. we've taught them to not look at people naked, and if they come across it, they are to close the laptop or whatever device (or say "no thanks" to the friend who is showing them an image) and tell us immediately! this also helps in teaching them about molestation and that no family or friend should ask to see them naked or show them anything improper.

i came across this article/video and it was helpful to hear a mother address nakedness. we have introduced "naked is private" but i'm also a breast-feeding mom that doesn't cover up when my kids are around. i've concluded that i want them to understand that breast are not to inappropriately flaunt but to nourish children with. as they grow older we'll have to have appropriate conversations about the God-given anatomy of humans and the beauty of sex, but for now, breasts are not to be flaunted. at the same time i don't mind my son or daughters seeing me change and ask about my mommy anatomy. they're kids and have questions and it gives me an opportunity to tell them about the beauty of motherhood and what a real life body looks like. i want them to understand reality and the lies that the media portrays. thighs can be flabby, butts jiggle, tummies do have scars on them! so we will teach both.... "naked is private but if you have questions please come here to us and ask ALL the questions you want, even if it makes mommy and daddy uncomfortable" :)

with our son, i feel different then i do with our girls, maybe it's because of their obvious gender difference or maybe because i know the battle for his mind is fierce. it worries me at times. with Rock, i know he'll come across something sexually that is really enticing. the question is when. it breaks my heart to think of these things but i can't ignore it! praise God PJ is honest about what a man struggles with. PJ and Rock will have plenty of hard, honest, gracious conversations about what guys struggle with. this dad and son openness will be vital in helping Rock fight the temptation to lust. us girls will have similar hard conversations but honest. this accountability will be extremely helpful in preparing our kids and growing them when they fall.

knowing the culture of your home is vital. in other words, what could be lust triggers for someone in your household? internet, movies, music videos, instagram, blogs? we've never allowed barbies in our home because of their fully exposed bodies but a family member gave our girls princess barbies that were a little more modest, but this week Rock asked if his sister's barbies could be banned from our home. he said they were distracting. we agreed. it reminded me that our family fighting lust needs to be exactly that--we need to help each other fight sin and in this case, lust.

confession is so freeing. our church has been a blessing in having a community of grace and not performance. that must be the same in our homes. that means when we sin, we can't hide it because in order to be truly free from sin we need to run from it and ask others to help and keep us accountable. when this healthy habit is implemented, we can feel free to confess our sins, no matter how ugly, because we'll be accepted no matter what and forgiveness is open and free. another important aspect to confession-- for those listening to confession-- you shouldn't be shocked as if you or they didn't know what we are capable of. being in the ministry with pj, going on 10 years, we've seen it all. our hearts are burdened by the sin we and others commit, but it's so refreshing to let whomever we are counseling know there is hope in Christ Jesus! we must give that same hope to our children. they aren't perfect, they'll commit "shocking" sins but we must be ready to point them to the ONE that covers ALL our sins.

tied with confession is being keenly aware that hiding sin is detrimental in anyones life. lying is always a lose-lose situation. God kindly cautions us by saying, "be sure your sin will catch up with you."
we've made sure our kids understand that lying is a HUGE deal. when they've lied in the past they get double the discipline. why? we've wanted to teach them that lying or hiding sin leads to a more hurt and pain. i'm constantly reminding our kids to be a person of integrity, sometimes being that person is hard but far more rewarding in the eyes of the Lord. this teaching goes against the grain in our souls but God is patient with us and teaches us....the same has to be done with our children.


Also helpful,
porn proofing your home.
Getting ready to talk about sex, early.
this book for daughters has been helpful.
this book for sons...PJ is currently reading it.

Round up...

(Key's flower wall art)

There's been a few things on my mind that I wanted to share...

finally watched the grand budapest hotel, with great company (Jerilene, Alyssa, and Kim)! it was good. unfortunately, some raunchy scenes. the film can appear slow but the characters and their dialogue are meant to carry the movie. they did. the actors were excellent. the humor, awesome. again, the dialogue, witty and thoughtful.

watched this video and again it puts me in a dilemma. i've struggled with the idea of deleting my facebook and most recently our instagram. i hate social media and like it. how do these two coexist? i fancy this blog space... i feel it's given me a way to express myself, and i've carved out a little space to do that. it's fun. but facebook and instagram can seem like a way to portray something that's not real-- or half truths (which is not truth at all). i feel like it can be a place to vent, boast, or be indifferent. i'm sure my posts have come off in various of those categories. precisely why i'd like to unplug those two. hmmmm...

being a mexican american can be weird. i've noticed the stereotypes and they bother me. you can be in two camps... poor, uneducated, and uncultured. the other, a menace to society. and there's another that's less noticeable-- trying to get educated, parents are immigrants, life choices or desires are less ambitious than other college age peers. there are times people try to fit me into one of these categories, and if i don't fit, perhaps i'm too "white","asian" or "americanized". growing up, it was rare to find a mexican american who had chosen a path that was well thought out, educated, cultured, helpful to society, and ambitious. i love my people. that's exactly why these stereotypes and true stories bother me. sometimes i feel like i can't relate. but then there's moments when i find someone that blows my own stereotypes away and it's alluring. i must admit, i have stereotypes  too. it's difficult to live in this world without them. sometimes there's good stereotypes that we need and use. than there's others we should refute, rightfully so! i love hearing and seeing mexican americans tear down those stereotypes. on a npr news segment, they echoed what i've been seeing and feeling. they mentioned that latinos won't rush to the electing polls because there's a high percentage of poor, uneducated latinos that are out of touch with political issues. i need to see mexican americans excel like i know we can--by God's grace.

not sure if I shared this before, but it bears re-sharing. such a great article and i find it extremely helpful as i parent my kids in this culture.

i'm excited to "nerd out," as she puts it, on her crafty genius talents, that God has graciously given her! her book is out and ready to be used up by the family! why do I want to be one of her little girls in this video?! ha!

our sunday sermon was intense but SO helpful and needed. thank God for leadership that doesn't hide true struggles of the church! it allows our church community to truly flourish in a Christ-centered way.

Happy Birthday Our Main Man!

On Rock's birthday, April 11th, we surprised him with a rock climbing session. It was fun watching him take chances, be adventurous and courageous. I jokingly told PJ, what if this set his path to be a real, rock climbing, dare devil! Oh gosh, I'd die!

We have an 8 year old now. Crazy! I can't help but feel a little sad. Thankful though. I know parents always say the same thing--"it goes by so fast!"It really does. So many memories but it almost feels like not enough time.

I love this kid. My heart melts because of the love I have for him. PJ feels the same way. He calls Rock "his main man". We are so privileged to be parenting this kid and to see him grow in stature and in knowledge. It's a privilege and a joy to teach him the ways of the Lord. He's such a blessing. He makes me strive to be a better mom.

Some milestones:
He is such a great, big brother to City. He loves taking care of her (most of the time:)
He baked his first cake and it came out scrumptious. He made it for his auntie Reese's birthday party.
He had his first piano recital.
He loves sewing, science, and nature.
He creates crazy dance moves that crack me up.