a decade of sweet friendship

we celebrated our 10 year anniversary! i was super exhausted after the two day fiesta but definitely felt thankful throughout the celebration. 10 years is a big deal around here, well, at least for us it is. but when we are around our church family 10 years is just the beginning. our longest marriage in our church is 72 years! and all around us there's a plethora of wisdom that pj and i haven't tapped into yet...maybe in 40 more years?

as i reflect on our marriage, i can't help think of the marriages i see at our church that portray what marriage can look like in the long run. there seems to be a lot of: sweetness, playfulness, faithfulness, physical pain, and a pleading with God. the last one stands out. what i mean by that is, they seem to know-- know deep inside themselves-- that they can plead with God in prayer because he answers them. maybe a certain closeness to God because of the years walked with him. i'm not sure but i'm trying to watch and learn from these saints who know more about life than i do.

10 years together has been hilarious, fun, frustrating, eventful, sweet, deep, loving, spicy and much, much more. he truly does complete me. my weaknesses are his strengths and my strengths are his weaknesses. God has blessed us with a deep friendship and with kids that have strengthened us as humans and as believers in King Jesus.

Woman Lust

it's no surprise that the new erotic film 50 shades of grey was released during valentine's day. before it hit the big screen it was already invading the hearts and minds of women with it's printed book.

there's been a lot of talk about how christians should think about the film and the message it's trying to convey-- never think any movie is just a movie, it's always trying to convey a message. the film is a form of art, and it's a mirror to what the culture is really thinking, what art tends to do.

i watched the trailer out of "curiosity" and found myself shocked and interested in the plot. why? i think it was girl lust! i wasn't necessarily thinking of intercourse or sexual images but it certainly could have gone there, but i was more intrigued by the male character and how they portrayed him--handsome, winsome, authoritative, passionate, AND desires the female counter part to the nth-degree. which is exactly what they were going for--women can be drawn to this type of male figure....fiction or non.

It's interesting how women's lust can be left unnoticed because it almost seems to hurt no one. false. it hurts people. it hurts the woman's own soul. i've seen this countless times and it's destroyed families. it's a force not to be triffled with. the outworkings of women's lust versus men's lust can be like night and day but the heart issues are identical. men tend to be more visually stimulated, that's why the porn industry has taken hold of our men's hearts. lots to say about mens lust but i'd like to focus on women.

we women tend to be emotionally stimulated. before a woman commits the actual sexual sin of adultery, chances are she's already had an emotional attachment. why? women love to be desired, to be wanted, this is a good thing BUT in the covenant of marriage, not outside its boarders. if the woman is the object of a man's lustful mind and heart, this can be very emotionally satisfying for her. i wrote this post 3 years ago to warn dating christians the dangers of lust before marriage and what it can look like after marriage. it's pretty scary stuff if not addressed.

I recently was talking to a young man who's dating a gal and i was asking questions about their lust. as you might like to think, you probably would assume he'd slowly be walking away! nope. he pulled up a chair and was intrigued, especially when i came to the girl lust part. he had no idea! he had no idea that when guys lust after the girl it feeds her lust of being wanted--like she's some kind of sex god! it sounds ridiculous but very true. he was shocked, i saw light bulbs going off in his head. i reminded him that even the way a girl dresses can be used to get a lustful reaction from the guy by the short skirt she's wearing, or the midriff shirt she's flaunting. i know this because i was there in my younger days :(

another thing about lust is that it wants to hide. it wants to stay in its shame infested closet. when i watched the trailer i felt ashamed that i was interested in the plot and felt a desire to be in the character's shoes. soon after i talked to my husband about it. he was helpful, supportive and asked good heart questions. i knew he knew what battling with lust feels like. he battles with it like all men/most men do. he does not shy away from confession and wanting to kill sin in his life. my husband is amazing. i really can't express in words the love and every endearing emotion under the sun i have for him. he's helped me to be open, not lie and hide sin, no matter how ugly the truth can seem. truth is the best medicine.

my lovely husband asked "what did you observe that you wanted?" but the question that was most helpful that my lovely asked was, "what do you really want?" my reply, "my husband to love the Lord with all his heart. to love his wife and make much of her and point her to Jesus. a father who leads his children and loves them. a man of integrity. a man who dates his wife and studies her. a man who serves others and points them to Christ."

it's funny but i just described my lovely husband :) he is what i really want, not some fabricated, hollywood, fictional character! even if the 50 shades of grey character was real, he'd sure need a lot of counseling! no thanks.

Good bye.... for now

CrossView is gone. God's not gone. CrossView will no longer meet together. God and his people will meet in the New Heavens and New Earth. CrossView won't continue the work of the ministry in Los Angeles. God will continue the work in Los Angeles and all over the world.

I'll miss you CrossView. I'll miss the strong fellowship. I'll miss us guarding the communion table. I'll miss the hard conversations that are uncomfortable but so freeing. I'll miss serving in the city with you. I'll miss the hard laughs on Friday nights. I'll miss my home being a mess and y'all gladly cleaning up. I'll miss the fun interactions and the moments you understand that PJ and I are dorks who LOVE to laugh. I'll miss the cries and tears. I'll miss the sleep overs. I'll miss the premarital couseling. I'll miss the I'm not- ashamed- to- talk- about- real- marriage- with- you. I'll miss the biblical counseling. I'll miss singing "Oh, praise the One who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead." I'll miss the CrossView weddings. I'll miss your interactions with our kids. I'll miss the singles bringing around "prospective courtships." I'll miss disagreeing with you. I'll miss our member meetings. I'll miss when some of you ask visitors if they're "members of another church?" I'll miss the men meeting at our place. I'll miss riding my bike to Shatto. I'll miss the 5 minute sharing after the sermon. I'll miss having communion together every week. I'll miss potluck. I'll miss teaching the kids class. Ill miss each of your faces at Shatto.

Thank you.

Thank you for growing me. My marriage. My family. And most importantly my walk with The Lord.

It's funny how some of our friends whom we haven't updated are contacting us concerned with what happened to CrossView. We are assuring them that we did not disband because of any sinful reason--there was no church split. In a nut shell, PJ thought it be best if he found a place where we can be provided for and have more partnership-- whether in LA preferably, or outside of the city.To be quiet frank, I was feeling discouraged because of the lack of members coming to live in LA despite the constant encouragements to come and live here (our original vision). Even the members that did live here, at one point, moved out of the city. We weren't forceful in trying to argue our case of why members should come and live here--we wanted them to move here because of conviction not be we coerced them. God ultimately said no. So we decided God is closing this door and opening another. There's a few details I'm missing but that could be talked about in person and made clear. But in a nutshell, this is what got the conversations off it's feet.

I wanted to be clear to PJ and CrossView-- I would happily stay here in LA if PJ perceived God was giving him a deep conviction to stay here, then I'd follow and understand God's call on him. I wanted to be careful with my words.

God really just set things up for us. I don't know why. Was it our time to leave? Was it time to dust our feet off here? I don't know. But as far as God allowed PJ and I to examine our hearts to see if there was any sinful reason of why we were open to leaving....we could not find any. we wanted to be very careful with our hearts.

Our Anniversary

june 25th marked our 9 year anniversary! crazy to think next year we'll be married a decade! it doesn't feel like it...after 9 years of marriage, 4 kids, 6 moves, planting a church and so many other adventures, there's never a dull moment being married to this incredible man. i love him with all my heart and i'm so grateful to the Lord for making us one.

i heard ace hotel opened up in downtown la and I was interested in visiting. i read reviews and was intrigued. i yelped our experience. fun for a first time, nothing more. the brass knobs were my fav! all the people partying near the pool was not cool though.

thankful we got to spend time together... cherished times with my love.

Round up...

(Key's flower wall art)

There's been a few things on my mind that I wanted to share...

finally watched the grand budapest hotel, with great company (Jerilene, Alyssa, and Kim)! it was good. unfortunately, some raunchy scenes. the film can appear slow but the characters and their dialogue are meant to carry the movie. they did. the actors were excellent. the humor, awesome. again, the dialogue, witty and thoughtful.

watched this video and again it puts me in a dilemma. i've struggled with the idea of deleting my facebook and most recently our instagram. i hate social media and like it. how do these two coexist? i fancy this blog space... i feel it's given me a way to express myself, and i've carved out a little space to do that. it's fun. but facebook and instagram can seem like a way to portray something that's not real-- or half truths (which is not truth at all). i feel like it can be a place to vent, boast, or be indifferent. i'm sure my posts have come off in various of those categories. precisely why i'd like to unplug those two. hmmmm...

being a mexican american can be weird. i've noticed the stereotypes and they bother me. you can be in two camps... poor, uneducated, and uncultured. the other, a menace to society. and there's another that's less noticeable-- trying to get educated, parents are immigrants, life choices or desires are less ambitious than other college age peers. there are times people try to fit me into one of these categories, and if i don't fit, perhaps i'm too "white","asian" or "americanized". growing up, it was rare to find a mexican american who had chosen a path that was well thought out, educated, cultured, helpful to society, and ambitious. i love my people. that's exactly why these stereotypes and true stories bother me. sometimes i feel like i can't relate. but then there's moments when i find someone that blows my own stereotypes away and it's alluring. i must admit, i have stereotypes  too. it's difficult to live in this world without them. sometimes there's good stereotypes that we need and use. than there's others we should refute, rightfully so! i love hearing and seeing mexican americans tear down those stereotypes. on a npr news segment, they echoed what i've been seeing and feeling. they mentioned that latinos won't rush to the electing polls because there's a high percentage of poor, uneducated latinos that are out of touch with political issues. i need to see mexican americans excel like i know we can--by God's grace.

not sure if I shared this before, but it bears re-sharing. such a great article and i find it extremely helpful as i parent my kids in this culture.

i'm excited to "nerd out," as she puts it, on her crafty genius talents, that God has graciously given her! her book is out and ready to be used up by the family! why do I want to be one of her little girls in this video?! ha!

our sunday sermon was intense but SO helpful and needed. thank God for leadership that doesn't hide true struggles of the church! it allows our church community to truly flourish in a Christ-centered way.

The Pastor Wife's Role

Being a pastor's wife is perhaps, not what people think and what people think...

I love being a help mate to my Lovely as he serves and loves our church family. I often hear, read or see things that remind me that the "Pastor Wife's" role can at times be unclear or misunderstood. If the pastor/overseer/elder (the Bible uses these interchangeably) role is unclear or misunderstood to some, then I'm sure the pastor wife's role is too!

I had a few misconceptions myself-- before I became a wife to a pastor/elder.

On one level, a wife of an elder/overseer is like other wives. The expectations are from God, just like any other Christian wife. The biblical expectations for the Christian wife are already difficult to do because of indwelling sin. There are no extra expectations on the pastor's wife, just what she is meant to do that honors and shows Christ to her family, friends, and world.  A pastor's wife is to make her priority the home over other people, things or jobs-- so it is with any other wife. A pastor wife is to love the local church body-- so it is with any other wife. A pastor's wife is to seek her spiritual gifts and use them accordingly--so it is with any other wife. You get the point. 

Now, on another level, being a wife to a pastor is unique, but so is every wife's role. Why? Because you are the wife to an individual who is unique as you are unique. So the whole situation is unique!

What I mean is... the pastor has a key responsibility to grow the sheep. If the sheep are unhealthy, he has a special responsibility to speak into their souls with God's word--he will give an account to the way he has taken care of the sheep that are entrusted to him. All husbands are also responsible for others, especially his wife and children. All Christian husbands are even responsible for other church members. But in a more strict way the pastor has to give an account before God (Hebrews 13:17). Because the pastor has a special obligation to God, their life and ministry will become more intense. 

I love the way Jonathan Leeman expresses it...

Pressures will increase to fight pride, forgive quickly, ignore criticism, love generously, sacrifice time together, and so forth. For her and for me both, the stakes of the Christian life will become higher, and so it will become that much more practically important that we are both abiding in the gospel. You might say that being a pastor or elder's wife doesn't add any new knobs to the stereo, it just turns up the volume. But don't misunderstand: the music is good! 

{Smile Moment} My Lovely

The love I have for this man...

I'm head over heels for him! just thought I'd share.

And I must say it's not because our love is based on emotions (trust me there's times we don't feel like loving each other) but it's based on the promise, the covenant we made to each other before our Lord Jesus Christ on June 25, 2005...And our love story still continues (if the Lord wills).

Have a blessed weekend!

10 Things [I Don't Like] About You...

1. The amount of books we have in our home

2. The way you drive (I easily get car sick)

3. Stall when we have to leave the house

4. Rush me when we have to leave the house

5. Cut your hair in our bathroom        

6. The way you dress the kids (if I allowed you to :)

7. Have a million tee shirts

8. You don't wash my car :)

9. You don't know how to cook and

10. You're a picky eater

(I asked PJ to make a list too, but he forgot)

Sorta weird, but all these things I LOVE at the same time!!!

These things are minor... Sometimes they cause fights, sometimes we laugh because we feel the selfishness and the stupidity of it--But the number ONE thing WE HATE about each other is---our SIN. It's horrific and the SIN that lurks in our hearts is far more serious than we can both understand. I hate my sin. I hate when I'm so selfish, feel it, know it, and I allow it to conquer me for that moment, or several moments! Some Christian guy (sorry I don't know his name), wrote a response essay to the question: What is the biggest problem in the world? He responded, "the biggest problem in the world is me." Or as Paul Tripp says, "the biggest problem in our marriage, is me." So, what's our solution that the Bible clearly states? BE CLEAN, by Jesus Christ. Trust Christ. See your sin, grieve over it. Hate it. Feel and know the weight of your sin and then cling to the cross where God himself planned a redemption story, so that we may see HIM more glorious and be happy in Him! Through Jesus Christ dying on the cross for our sin, we can live fully with Him and live here on Earth struggling with our sin, but knowing Jesus paid it all. We strive and remember and cling to the cross that sheds light to our need of Jesus Christ and our shedding of sinful, ugly habits.

Thank you PJ for loving me and washing me with God's Word. You are treasured in my heart.

Your best friend,

wifee

HAPPY 7TH ANNIVERSARY(it officially was 6/25)!!!

Movie Review

In this adaptation of Françoise Sagan's best selling novel, Paula is a beautiful and highly successful 40-year-old businesswoman. She is deeply in love with Roger, her mature consort of five years. Roger is a very charming gallant who loves Paula but is too selfish to give up his freedom to be promiscuous. When Paula meets Phillip, the 24-year-old immature lawyer son of one of her rich clients, he falls hopelessly in love with the glamorous, sympathetic older woman and insists that the age difference will be no barrier to a romance. Paula resists the young man's persistent advances, but she finally succumbs when Roger initiates yet another affair with one of his young Maisies. An affair begins, and society does not approve. (imdb plot story)

What I particularly liked about this movie, was the reality that no one can ultimately satisfy you. Many people put all their eggs into one basket (the love basket:) but soon realize, the person they fell madly in love with, is not Prince Charming after all! 

 This sad reality, is made clear from the beginning (Genesis 3). No one is perfect--everyone is selfish, harsh, and self-involved. No person, can satisfy another wholly! This task is meant for One, that can really deliver--Jesus Christ! We all fail each other, especially in marriage, all the yucky stuff comes out (sin), but if we learn, that we are not meant to fill the shoes of Christ, but instead, put our hope in Christ alone, by faith alone, and really actually start seeking to live a life that is contrary to what we were living, by God's grace, once we and our spouses get that, repentance, grace and commitment begin to fill the marriage which sustains, covenantal love. 

Cookie Cutter Method?

(image taken from here)

Hospitality

I've given myself credit, in the past, for not falling into the folly of thinking there's a "cookie cuter" Pastor's wife role. I've spread my doctrine to friends and family about what I think a Pastor's wife role is--easy---to be a faithful disciple of Christ, a faithful wife, a faithful mommy, and a faithful church member. Of course there's more to say, but at the end of the day I felt that was the message, if asked, in a nut shell. 

God started revealing sin in my heart. I think I felt proud that I didn't struggle with this complex, as some other wives did. It was lodged in my brain, "I got this." I began seeing my folly--"How can I fail in this? This is what a Pastor's wife is made of, but it doesn't come naturally to me." What was it? Hospitality. 

Growing as a Christian around mature women, who just churned up delicious meals, endless hangouts, wise counsel, and cleanaing up, all in a shorts notice or for multiple times a week! Perhaps I'm exaggerating, but it sure felt this way. As I soon got married, had children, my husband in the ministry, I believe I tried to have the same agenda as previous godly women I observed. I started to sense this didn't come naturally to me. I began seeing my up bringing as a hinderance to this. I felt PJ was from a different mind set, since his up bringing was different than mine.  I felt sad. Why? Idolatry. You see, I wanted to serve to a capacity that I felt good about myself. Good to know that I had the good'ol hospitable badge on my chest, and of course, ALL Pastor wives did....WRONG. You see I was trying to fit in a mold that I sinfully created. I was trying hard to make the shoe fit. 

So reality is-- I don't easily have the urge to always be hospitable. I hesistate to say this, in case some family, friends think they'll be a burden, but on the contrary, it allows me opportunities to say yes or no, without fear of man. My decline to be host on a particular night/day, are never intended to hurt anyone but because I'm getting to know more and more my capacities as a wife and mother, I sometimes need to say no for the good of my soul and my family-- but I need to make that decision (with PJ's help of course:). It's ok to lack, we're human and God's working in us, and it's ok to confess it.  Striving and finding ways to bless other's and be blessed by others, is freeing; that also, can look different for the people of the local church community. 

Discipleship

Being at Capitol Hill Baptist Church was helpful in so many ways. There were many married women and single, which made a great learning atmosphere. I wondered with all these women being so busy, and yet having time to pour into these younger women, "How did they do it?!" It was at a CHBC women's retreat, where the insight was revealed to me. There was a workshop speifically addressing my simple question. There was a panel of wives/moms, with young women. The older women were discipling the younger (Titus 2) and were explaining their discipliship methods. It was genuis! At least in my mind. The women didn't sit down for an hour and read a 400 page book with homework and prep time,  and yet still manage to talk about their lives, blessings, things God's been teaching them, etc. As simple as it was, it was--- watch me. Watch me? There was a mutal understading that the wife, and the young woman, can sit down and talk about things that God has put on their hearts (these conversations can go in so many directions). What's key in this agreement, is--- understanding there WILL be interruptions, because she will serve her family in various ways as she's there, and she can participate by watching, learning, asking questions, etc. Great, huh? I ate that philosphy up and wanted to run with it! I soon started to understand that there needs to be a mutal understanding of this kind of discipliship, but I can totally see how it would be benefical and helpful on so many levels. I'm not saying this is the only way or the best way, but I am saying if you are busy with life, family, friends, church, this method can be helpful and a big blessing. And since I struggle with hospitality, this method is helpful for me in that regard too!

So I beckon other young ladies, don't feel discipleship has to be one specific way (read a book together/ Bible reading), although if it works, then do it, but if it doesn't work for a wife, then adjust with her and trust me, there's lots to learn about being a wife and a mother that can increase your understanding of it, if it's acted out in front of you. This is an out  working of being in a community (a local church family). Assure the busy wife that you just want to talk and pray and want to learn how she cares for her family. This can be helpful in getting an older woman to disciple you. I've heard that a lot of older women can sometimes feel inadaquate if discipleship is asked of them, but this method can be non-aggressive and less can be asked, as far as preparation. Just life--on--life, isn't that what community's about?

There's other ways hospitality can be done,  and there's other ways discipleship can be done. There's no cookie cuter method, just life--on--life.

A Pleasant Surprise!

Driving to San Diego to watch C.S. Lewis' "The Screwtape Letters" was great! AND eating at one of my favorite SD food places, Rockin'Baja Lobster! PJ did a really good job of not letting me find out--this time. I did accidently look at the tickets when we were near, but totally not my fault! The play was pleasantly, fearfully written, and I was not expecting it to be a mirror into my own soul! PJ and I felt the self examination that the play, beckons the audience to participate in. Loved it!